Forgotten Diaries..

4/4/2011

2011-04-05T05:35:00.000-07:00

There's not going to be any 'wording this the right way' or anything, this is what's in my mind.. right now..

I'm always treated the same, by every one. I'm always the third wheel. Always dictated too. Always.. No matter who it is. In the end, whether they love me or not, I'm treated the same.
I've got to a point in my life now where.. I constantly see ways of getting out. It would be so easy.. It really doesn't take much. I've tried before.
I wish I didn't have to think like that, but too many things have made me fall in to this direction, this path.. this.
People need to stop playing hide and seek with my emotions; it's not a game.
People need to stop messing with me and my life around, stop fucking with my head, stop hurting me, just because I'm Sarah; stupid little unpopular 'good for nothing' Sarah, the girl whose mum wants her dead, family dictates her life, always been on the outside looking in and has a girlfriend who she loves far too much and it causes her more pain than anything..

Help.
I need help.
I'm considering counselling.
I need someone to talk to. To pour every inch of these tiny things that have been building up inside me for so long.
You don't know. You couldn't possibly know or understand , and I don't expect you to. That's okay. - But honestly, what can I do?
This lingering question keeps me up.. what can I do? when no one around me listens? or when they do, they don't understand..
Fake more smiles for the world to see, let the same mistakes happen again and again, keep taking the pain, the hurt, keep living like this, keep being.. me. Keep screaming, fighting, wandering helplessly, stuck in an abyss of darkness, not seeing the way to turn; stumbling and walking..

Some things, you can't even bring yourself to write. It's strange. They're just words; but words, can be taken in many ways, interpreted different by others, hurt other people more than they could hurt the person saying them. Words could be what ends it all.

I sometimes talk in riddles, or in complex sentences that makes it hard for people to understand what i mean. I'm sorry. I'm unhappy, plain and simple.
Whether I have someone who loves me more than I could possibly comprehend.. maybe that's part of the equation.
No, not maybe..it is. Everything is. Everything. My whole life, existence, choices, everything, is to blame for this.
I see no way out, or solution. I see no end. I don't really see anything; too many things keep clouding it.

You know how usually, people who are fucked up can't admit to the world they are? I think I am.
You've even said it. 'You' meaning someone I know.
Seeing as I took A level psychology, I blame my childhood. My environment. My surroundings. Not having a father figure. Having a fucked up family.
Having no friends. No one ever loving me. A chain of events leading so obviously in to a downhill spiral; no one caught me quick enough.
Why couldn't you? Why CAN'T you?
Catch me..
I don't want to fall...

You might be sitting here thinking, 'her childhood can't be that bad, compared to 'insert horrific child abuse cases, tragic stories, etc etc here' but you don't know, and you'll never know. Every one knows if you run a tap too long, it'll eventually overflow. That flow is hard to stop.

Constant abuse from your so called mother, two facedness of your so called family, unkind words from the person who loves you..
The hate. The tears. The anger. The spite.
Being treated like a child.
Never doing anything right.
Everyone putting you down.
Always having to answer to someone.

I'm sick of answering to people.
It's my life. Every one needs to stop trying to control me.

I don't know where this is going, I could write for hours and still never get across what i want to say.
I'm worried, about so many things. Dealing with so many things.
so many thoughts running through my mind, all the time, every second, of every day.
Sometimes i smile. Sometimes i breakdown. Sometimes i get angry.
Sometimes things run through my mind which shouldn't. I don't want them thoughts there.
Go away. Go away.

Take me away to the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time..

I love how this doesn't make any sense to you reading. But it means everything to me.

I wish love didn't hurt so much, and I wish I wasn't always the one hurt.
I wish I could do something right for once.
I wish something could go right for once.

I wish i had never grown up, not because I 'can't deal with being an adult in the real world' as you'd say, but because I'm sicking of hearing that I 'can't' deal with it. That I'm worthless. A fuck-up. A loner. A loser. A nothing. Sarah, Sarah, Sarah.
Who would want to be me.. really?
Even I don't want to be me.

I hate me. I hate me. I hate me.
Ranting at 3am, always good.

I'm wandering through existence and soon I'll feel nothing.
I'll take the blows without pain, I'll take the words without hurt, I'll take the loneliness.

Help me, please.
My train is derailing and you're the only one who can stop it.
Please help me Paige. Please.
Do you understand now?

I need help. I need YOU to take care of ME.
Just for a while.

Please.

2011-03-14T07:05:00.000-07:00

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

I've used that quote before, in an old blog post of mine, and I don't really see how it relates to what I am going to be saying, but I just like the quote. It's very true.

I'm not sure where this blog post will start, or how it's going to end. I'm typing what comes to mind, and half of it will probably not make sense to you, the reader; so, I'm sorry. Here we go..

Have you ever been at a point in your life, where you sit there and think, would I really miss out on anything if I wasn't here? No one would miss me, I wouldn't miss out on anything and the world would just carry on without me, turning and turning?
I can't even put in to words what I'm actually feeling. I'm sick of what I have to deal with, I'm sick of what my life has become. I hate it. You don't understand :(

I don't want to write any more. It would take too many words to write what i'm feeling; what I'm thinking; what I want to say.
The walls are crumbling, one by one, me stuck in the middle, watching the destruction..
Help.

2011-01-24T10:11:00.000-08:00

I remember when I was 5; always playing 'grown ups'... I loved that game. Everything seemed so easy back then. It was always easier in the scabby knees, packed lunch days; when you could make friends with any one so easily, and you weren't judged by appearance, interests, personality... you were just, you, and every one liked you for that because they didn't know any different.

Why back then, did I want to be a grown up? What was so appealing? Was is that I could boss every one around? I could do what I wanted? I didn't have to listen to any one? I would be a big girl. ...Sure, I have independence. I have freedom. I'm out living my own life, trying to find my place in this world but, I'd much rather be six, worrying about who would sit with me at the lunch table than dealing with life.
That sounds pathetic. I always look back on my childhood and wish I could relive it over and over again. You don't realise how easy you have it as a kid.

I don't know where I'm going with this point.
I want to fall down a rabbit hole and find wonderland.
Fly to Neverland with peter pan.
Sail out to sea with Robinson Crusoe...

I hate being the oldest. Always having to make the decisions.
I hate knowing I have to handle everything.
I hate where i live.
I hate the constant worrying.
I hate how my family are still trying to be just as controlling as they were.
I hate the fights.
I hate loving someone so much it hurts.
I hate having to try and please so many people.
I hate dealing with bitchiness.
i hate how people judge me.
I hate having so many things to hate in my life.

On the upperhand, I have so many things to be thankful for.
My beautiful girlfriend.
The fact my family, in some sense, support me.
My health. The roof over our heads.Youtube. Friends..
I love you all.

It;s like a puzzle; I find pieces constantly misplaced and it's hard to find them..and piece my life together again.
You won't know the ups and downs of my life, and I don't intend to write a hardbook novel to explain them to you.

I'm just threw with this constant fake smile the majority of the time.
I don't even know any more.

I love her. I know that for sure.
That's it.

Options change/chances fade/ trains derail...

Rant over, I guess.

I remember...

2010-10-08T16:36:00.000-07:00

I remember...

I remember the days of running; running so fast that I thought my legs would fall off...

I remember exploring the woods, hoping to catch a glimpse of the faeries..

I remember spinning so fast, 'round and around and around. I fell to the ground..

I remember gazing up to the sky, and seeing what shapes the clouds could make...

I remember dreaming of all the things I wanted to be when I grew up..

I remember the time, when nothing mattered...

I remember not feeling sad, because through a child's eyes, they always see happiness and hope above all else..

I remember not being afraid to ask lots of questions, and listening carefully to the grown ups answer...

I remember playschool. Making friends within seconds, never falling out, just playing, not caring...

I remember never being nervous...never afraid to do what most adults would never do.

I remember my colouring books. scribbling outside the lines, not afraid that it wasn't perfect...

I remember learning to read, tying my shoes and learning to tell the time..

I remember pocket money, and making christmas lists of all the things i wanted..

I rememeber beIieving in santa claus...

I remember struggling with the times table and thinking school was the hardest thing in this world..

But the hardest thing in this world, it to live in it.

I remember thinking I wanted to grow up
But now, I'm not so sure.

Where's Peter Pan? Isn't it time to go to Neverland?

Outside looking in..

2010-06-30T14:41:00.000-07:00

“We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.”

That illusion always falters, always.

I know I can't possibly know what to be completely alone really feels like because to be perfectly honest, I've never truly been alone. But you can be surrounded by so many others, and still feel completely trapped, isolated, unheard...alone.

I've never been popular. I've never fitted in. I know it's not about the 'fitting in' but for once, I would just like to know where i stand. I've always been the one forgotten when party invitations were given out, or left out of conversation, left out of games; everything in general, it was always me.

Right now I feel more alone than ever.
Two close friends, whom i love so much are here for me and understand everything but i come home alone every day from college and i'm back to feeling alone.
You. You're miles away. Miles away when i need you. I feel so lost without you here to catch me when I fall, to cuddle me and say everything is going to be okay, and to hug me to sleep...

Alone.
You may or may not know what's been going on in my life lately, but just know, nothing is okay. I'm good at faking smiles, but deep down, I feel like crying, screaming, kicking the walls, breaking things...doing things i shouldn't.
But i promised you I wouldn't do that, didn't I? .. i'm keeping it..just....

It just feels like I'm being left out of everything. Three's a crowd. I'm left out.
I feel left out and i just cant explain it. I feel like i have no one. Whether you say I have people that are always here for me, they're not truly here, with me... it's amazing, but it's not enough.

When you love some one so much you get jealous. They get jealous back and I cant help feeling left out when certain friendships form and they get to close. Jealously can be a good thing though, it just means i care, okay? ..

left out. left out. left out.

Breaking up from college tomorrow.
Then i'll have no one. Nothing.

I hate my family. They hate me. I love you. I want you here.

Thank you to every one who is so lovely and supporting me though, I really do appreciate it.

i cant explain this well at all, but everything in my life, I just don't seem to be a part of any more.
i'm always the one left out. always. even with the people i love the most.

Enough ranting. I'm typing in the dark and can't see...

I'm sick of this. Sick of everything.

You make me wanna die...

I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in this world..

Alone.

2010-05-14T11:19:00.000-07:00

Alone. I have no one. At least, not here any way.
No one to hold me when I'm sad. No one to pick me up when I'm feeling down.
No on to tell me everything is going to be okay. No one that understands...
The one and only person who truly cares about me is miles away. I need her right now/
Everything is such a mess. I wish I knew how to fix it. I wish...that one particular thing had never happened. Ever.
People say 'you learn from you mistakes' but, how can we learn from this? It's tearing us apart. Slowly. But I'm not letting go.
Try as hard as you like but she means the world to me and i love her more than you could possibly understand. You're not gonna get us.

You started this. You caused the problems, the anger, the tears...
and yet we get the blame. We can't fix this.

One day you might understand what you did, the mistake you made and it will make you realise how cruel you really are.You think it was us who made the mistake of falling in love; but it was you. Your actions. Your words. Your fault. Not ours.

These are our lives, so let us live them the way we want to. No judgement. Let us be happy. Please.

I want to fly to a place, where it's just you and me. Nobody else, so we can finally be free....

12/04/09

2010-04-12T15:52:00.000-07:00

Happiness is never stopping to think if you are. That's how i know, that at this precise moment in time; I am in fact happy.
This is all down to just one individual. Most people think, that themselves alone, cannot impact another person, no matter how small or great the impact is. But they're wrong. Just one person, one tiny individual in this world of billions of others, can change your life in ways that you could never imagine. I've always found it interesting how, there are people out in the world, that right now you just don't know, but some day you'll meet; and possibly stay in each others lives for a brief period of time or for good. People come in to our lives for a reason. I believe you did. It's strange to think that I lived my life for so long without knowing you even existed and now, just this thought it just too hard to bare. You're such a big part of my life now; i begin to wonder what exactly my life was without you. I thought my puzzle was complete and yet somehow, there you were. The extra piece to my puzzle. If you lose just the one piece, you can't complete it. That's why I never want to lose you. You're too precious, and I just wouldn't be whole without you here, now that you're in my life, I can't let go...
You may be miles away but in true love the smallest distance is too great, and the greatest distance can be bridged, so really, it's nothing. I'm hugging you right now and you don't even know it...
Your friendship and love isn't a big thing to me; it's a million little things. You truly do kindle my heart. I will love you forever.
Growing up, we think we want our prince charming, our castle, our kingdom, toys, and anything and everything money can buy. But, money can't buy you. It can't buy what we have. It can't truly buy how happy you make me, how....much I truly love you. Money is useless because it can't give me anything that near compares to what i've already got; and that's you baby...
When we were younger, we all wanted three wishes. We'd always wish for a thousand more wishes on our third wish. But, you know something? I only need one right now. Just one wish; that even though we may not be together forever or if distance separates us and we go our separate ways, I wish that you will never stop loving me, because I know that i never will stop loving you. You will be in my heart forever. I want to spend my life with you...but no matter how big or small a part of it you are or will be in the distance future, you'll always be there. Live your life knowing that you have made me happier than anything or any one else ever has, or ever will. Know that for as long as I live, that I will love you will all my heart, all my soul, and everything i have because you mean more to me than anything. You could offer me the world but I wouldn't blink and eye lid because I have you. And to you, nothing compares.....you will be in my life forever. Nothing can make you disappear....
I love you. never forget...

21/12/2009

2009-12-21T14:34:00.000-08:00

hello. you've possibly forgotten that I existed seeing as i never post on this lovely thing anymore.
the whole of the internet seems to preoccupy me; and I don't see the point in boring people with my daily goings on and life issues, oh wait, i already do that on youtube so, go see me there. 'kay?
i may continue to use this blog, or maybe not but if you want to find me and stalk me then just search 'sarahxxlou' in my best friend google and it shall tell you all you need to know.
in the words of gossip girl, ttyl, xoxo.

31/10/09

2009-10-31T16:30:00.000-07:00

23:37
In my room. Exhausted but happy.

I went to the halloween youtube gathering in London today and I really enjoyed it!
I love being in London surrounded by awesome people and being able to go wherever I want whenever I want.
Youtube has enabled me to meet to many lovely people. I love this.
I met up with people that I've seen a number of times before and whom I love but also met some other amazing peeps! especially Verity (verityathedisco) who was so nice and yea...LOVEYOUVERITY<3
The downside of going to London.
You smell like pollution, smoke and alcohol when you get home, ugh. ;']
Oh and the underground is always seriously overcrowded!
La la laaaa, righto, I'm off to sleeeeep!
G'night fellow interwebz people!
-Sarah x

20/10/09

2009-10-20T09:48:00.000-07:00

I'm currently sitting in my room watching a scene from West Side Story and trying to imitate a puerto rican accent; it's difficult.
We have to re-enact a scene from west side story for drama [a duologue] and we have to do accents, have costumes and everything. It's fun! but the accent is so hard to grasp.
Even though I'm a massive fan of musicals, I don't actually like west side story in the slightest but we have to do it as part of the syllabus so I guess I'll have to learn to love it.
Sorry, randomly talking about college there. Doing homework that's why. Yes...I'm multi-tasking; blog writing and homework :)

I seem to be neglecting my blog an awful lot lately; I just don't seem to have the time to write. Either that or I have too much I want to write but would just rather put it in a vlog on youtube.

College is awesome. I love it so much. My course, the work, assignments, my class, my friends, the trips, lecturers are all great! yes, they're are downsides like all parts of education but, I really enjoy it. Best thing ever getting accepted on to the course.

Last week I saw 'Annie get your gun' with my class (Little vic theatre in London) and it starred one of my favourite actresses Jan Horrocks [from the film 'little voice'] and she was outstanding as 'Annie Oakley'; also the leading guy 'Frank' reminded me of John Barrowman (not as good looking though but still...) he had a topless scene which was...nice, haha :p
Overall, it was a fantastic show! we saw it in preview week and it was their first show but it was well worth going to see!

I haven't really got that much to write at the moment. Busy with real life I s'pose ;)
I shall write a more interesting blog soon-ish people!

Sarah x

30/09/09

2009-09-30T06:36:00.000-07:00

It's the end of September. Where does time go? wow. Time seems to be flying by so fast!
Thought I'd write a blog to commemorate the end of September :)
So far, my musical theatre course has been excellent. My class is lovely! very nice bunch of people and we all get on so well! mainly because we're all musical geeks but whatever...
My lecturer and also a musical theatre fanatic [who held my audition] is also very nice!...strict, but humorous and knows how to make a lesson entertaining (unlike most teachers!)
So far we've done dance, voice lessons, singing lessons, performance workshops, improvisations, historical context classes and loads more; it's really awesome and EXACTLY what I wanted to do.
I've never really done much dance before but now we're expected to do ballet, tap, jazz dance and others to a certain level for shows and things! but it's all so great, just can't express in words how much I love it!
I can talk about wicked as much as I want and no one gets annoyed [not that I do :p] but we all have the same interests and types of personality so it's a lovely atmosphere to be in!
Very short blog I know but just thought I should say it's all going great and well...that's about it!

Sarah x

22/09/09

2009-09-22T12:39:00.000-07:00

Today was...
Today was......

Today was immense. Everything just seemed to fall into place.
For so many months this university lark has dragged on; felt like it was getting no where.
I started the ICT course and hated it with a passion. Even though I was rejected from degree courses, I knew that I wanted to study dramatic arts in whatever way I could. - I won't go through the story, you already know the ins and outs.
I find a new college that had opened, they offered a musical theatre course and after contacting a vast amount of people, I was finally offered an audition. It was today.
Walking in to a theatre with two men sitting at the front can be very daunting; even though they were both very welcoming and lovely. I was asked tons of questions, mainly about musicals which I found amusing.
I walked in carrying my WICKED songbook; this sparked conversation. The lecturer wanted to know how much I knew about my favourite musicals, the backgrounds, the actors, and not just the songs and why I wanted to do musical theatre. He himself is very passionate about musicals; hence him being a musical theatre teacher (go figure!) so he asked who my favourite 'Glinda' was and who my favourite 'Elphaba' was; who played Grace Farrell in the Disney version of Annie, who played the original Annie on broadway; what year was the first film made; who played Jemima in the film 'Chitty chitty bang bang', what date did wicked open on broadway - and somehow, I knew the answers. I'm just fanatical about musicals, heeheee.
I then needed to tell him my GCSE results, previous experiences etc. So, that was just the easy part. Then came...the singing.
Need I say scary? Blimey, it was simply nerve-wracking singing, in the centre of a large room, with two men, one playing piano, the other studying you intently, ahh, jeez. I sang 'for good' from WICKED. He then wanted to hear another song, so I sang 'Loathing' (he called it loathing but in fact it is ;'what is this feeling'! ha. I sang Glinda's part whilst he sort of spoke Elphaba's part...[I'm guessing he isn't much of a singer then but hey...maybe it was just because it was a girls part... ;']
So I sang. They said they liked my voice. Nice control and range. I was happy. Then came, THE MONOLOGUE.
I recited a monologue from Alice in Wonderland. Pretending to fall down a rabbit's hole is not easy but...I did it (after forgetting a small line at one point..)
I was told 'I was a great canvas on which to work' i have the skills and 'talent' just need to be taught the right techniques. I was offered a place. I jumped with joy. Never have I been so happy about something. OHMIOZ. WAHEY!
So. I'm starting my musical theatre course tomorrow. I have lessons in jazz, dance performance, principle acting, singing, vocal training, musical theatre performance, performance workshops and the history side of coutse. Can't wait.

I had to have an ID card printed. So I now have two different ID cards; I better cut the other one up or something...

Everyone there was so so so helpful and organised, and knew what they were talking about [unlike the other establishment]
I got my EMA sorted out, my timetable, freshers pack and everything. All I need now is to buy the uniform shirt for drama and that's it. I've ordered new jazz shoes and bought dance trousers so YAY, I'm all set and I couldn't be happier [yes...'tis a song from wicked haaaaha]

ALSO! I walked in the college doors today and a girl said to be 'OHMYGOD YOU'RE SARAHXXLOU!' so I turned around and was like 'erm yea HI!' it was really weird, but awesome! people know me, I feel honoured. I love you guys.
SO thought I should let you know my news, as I have many of you to thank for telling me to follow my dreams, do what I wanted to do and do drama :)

Much love and peace,
Sarah xx

17/09/09

2009-09-17T13:08:00.000-07:00

Good news. After contacting many different people regarding getting my ICT course changed, I finally got somewhere!
I have an audition for a musical theatre course on Tuesday at 9:00am. I'm so happy. I really want to get through on to the course! I want this so badly!
I have to sing a song of my choice (must be from musicals) and have a short monologue prepared. I chose an 'Alice in Wonderland' monologue from when Alice falls down the rabbit hole. Need to start memorising it...
I still haven't decided on a song choice though. It'll be something from Wicked, just...don't know what.
So, this made my day. Finally getting a chance to apply for drama/musical theatre. Yay!
Right now I'm watching Ghost whisperer so I'm going to go.
Short blog but just thought I should let you all know considering how many blog posts I've written about this particular dilemma.

Sarah x

16/09/09

2009-09-16T02:32:00.000-07:00

I don't want to be here. 'Here' as in, in this seminar room, studying for a HND in computing. I've done one day of the course so far, and I hate it. Not just because I'm fussy, or not interested but, because it's nothing to do with what I want to do in life, or aspire to be. This course is all about making softwarem codes, programming, databases, making systems; I can't and don't want to do this. It's not for me. I'm not going to repeat the whole situation I've been in for a while, but if you've read other blog posts of mine, you should understand. Drama or film were my main choices, got rejected. ICT non-degree course was the last resort. But now, this university offers a new performing arts course so, I'm going to try my luck and see if I can get it changed. I know I've wrote this before in a previous post, but the website that gives details of the new courses is down, and so I didn't know if they really did offer a new drama course here or not, but now I know they do. So, this lunch, I'm going to the admissions office; see if I can get this sorted. I want to change to drama. If I can't; I'm dropping out, end of. I'm not wasting £3000 doing a course that I don't want to do and won't benefit me in any way.
So, whatever happens today can hopefully get this sorted once and for all.
Class is starting again.
Got to go.
This should be a fun seminar.
Sense the sarcasm.
Take me home.

14:56-

I've just walked out of my course. 'unofficially' walked out anywho. It was lunch time and I just...never went back.
Basically, I went to the admissions office in the building, hoping to get some advice, and they couldn't help me at all. They told me to go to the new building that's just been built for the college/university. I said to them that I had no idea where that was; all she did was point out the window and say 'it's two rows behind and parallel to this building' - thanks for the great directions. So I spent ages trying to find the building and once I finally found it, I went to go inside but I couldn't even get in. There were crowds of students outside queuing. I found out it was an induction or something so there was no way I would be able to find someone to help me today; the staff had too much to deal with. So, my plan of action. I'm going back tomorrow to try and see some about changing my course; if it turns out I can't change it, then I'm dropping out and having a gap year; then I'm going to start applying to drama schools for September 2010 :)

Lets hope everything works out! ;D

Sarah x

09/09/09

2009-09-09T11:55:00.000-07:00

[posted on my tumblr but I thought I'd post it here]
http://sarahinwonderlandd.tumblr.com/

I only ‘provisionally’ enrolled at University; why? because no one told me I needed to bring photographic ID.

They gave me no timetable. No code of conduct. No look at facilities. No information. I met no other students. Couldn’t get my ID card as the printer broke. THEY’VE TOLD ME NOTHING!!!

I never received a letter through the post with instructions or anything! only the date of registration. I'm not living at uni or anything so I don't need ID for residency so, didn't even think of taking ID.

I didn't have to register to college o anything because I stayed at my school's sixth form, so, I've never registered for education before. So, it would have been nice to have been informed on what to bring.

I feel lost.

I even had to ask when my course started. They were so unhelpful.

So uni starts on Tuesday; room 378, at 9am, in some random big builiding.

Oh gee wiz, this should be fun -_-

08/09/09

2009-09-08T09:59:00.001-07:00

So, I've just found out that the university campus I was going to has been closed down and has reopened somewhere else, in to a new building (not that much further away but still..)
The new building apparently has more modern facilities, more facilities in general, it's bigger so can fit more students and now caters for more courses, yay!
& this affects me how?
Well, you know the story about my courses and things don't you? If not, look here: http://tinyurl.com/nx6ntm read it, then come back :) otherwise, you probably won't understand what I'm writing about..

Carrying on. The new campus offers a range of new courses, including performing arts at non-degree level which I want to do! (I didn't have enough points to opt for the degree course so hey-ho..)
I'm hoping at registration tomorrow that I can find out if I can switch courses and do performing arts instead of ICT! (computing) because I really don't want to do ICT but it's the only thing they offered me which I wanted to do in the slightest...
So yes, I hope they let me change, or find more information about it! let's pray they do...

Conversation between my grandad and myself:

(talking about going to registration, questions to ask etc) - SIMPLIFIED DOWN, BRIEF, IN A NUTSHELL - The conversation/argument went on for a while...

-Sarah: So tomorrow I'll try and find out about the performing arts course and see if I can switch.
-grandad: No, see, I'm not happy about that, I don't want you to do that.
-Sarah: why not? that's what I applied for originally so what's the problem?
-Grandad: Because all the people on TV and the academics say it is a mickey mouse degree, you'll never get anywhere with it, we'll have wasted our money sending you to university and you won't benefit in the slightest out of taking the course.
-Sarah: But it's something I really want to do! I'm not happy in the slightest about studying ict at university...
-Grandad: Performing arts is rubbish, you have to be REALLY good to get anywhere with it, most people who take it end up working in mcdonalds instead of in the performing arts industry; it's a bloody waste of time. Look at all these failed actors, people who never made it. Not a worthy course at all.
-Sarah: But you never know if you'll get anywhere unless you try! I might be that one in every hundred to get something out of it! You never know! If everyone had that attitude there wouldn't be any actors, westend shows, tv programs, anything! you can hardly say it's a mickey mouse lame degree/course, so many people take it!
-Grandad: yes and so many people fail!
-Nan: she could always do film editing?
-Grandad: ha, look how hard it is to get a job in that industry - film studies is worse than drama, there are no jobs for anyone who graduates in that field.
-Sarah: So what about film critics, film editors, directors, people involved within the making of the films, on the set etc, what about those people?
-Grandad: those are only a few in a hundred, YOU won't get anywhere...besides, if you did performing arts there would be no way we could afford to finance it!
-Sarah: but drama costs the same as training for computing does...
-Grandad: yes, but I refuse to finance something that is a waste of time, you can finance it on your own if you want to waste you life doing things like that.

*I go upstairs*

Grandad: for crying out loud, everyone her ages wants to be an actress, singer, pop star etc, it's a bloody hobby not a real job, she won't get anywhere with it...
*I shout down the stairs*
-Sarah: none of my IRL like drama, being in front of camera, the idea of being a westend actress, just me, so how can you say the EVERYONE my age wants to be an actress? bit far-fetched isn't it?!
*then he goes on to talk about AGAIN how you can't make it in the dramatic arts industry*
-Sarah: Well, in one of my musical programmes (WICKED to be exact) it says one of the leading actresses (Dianne Pilkington) was going to university to study an academic subject, then at the last minute, realised it just wasn't for her, so decided to do drama and look where she has ended up! on the westend stage! now I know that's only one out of-
Grandad: YES, EXACTLY! ONE OUT OF HUNDREDS! She was lucky YOU won't be.
Sarah: Well, you never know until you try. This course could lay some foundation for experience, I could then apply for RADA!
Grandad: even people at RADA hardly ever get aywhere...
Sarah: Well, I don't care. I don't have that attitude. I love acting. Musical theatre. My passions. I'll never know until I try.
*came upstairs to write this*

Help me.
What do I do if I find out I can switch to drama.
Do I decide not to because of what my grandad said or do I do it anyway.

I'm stuck.

Sarah x

04/09/09

2009-09-04T15:18:00.000-07:00

I'm just talking to my friend Billie, and the discussion we were having, really got me thinking.

Billie doesn't make videos because of what other people at her school might say. They'll probably hurl abuse at her, ridicule her, make her life a misery and always bring up the topic of youtube. I know what that's like, to a certain degree. For your whole school to know, to feel like people are always talking about you; people telling the teachers that 'you're on youtube' and then the teachers going home, searching you and bringing it up in class. It's not that great. Girl schools are really bitchy and people don't even try to understand; they just gang up and bitch, bring people down. I hate it. Any way, not the point of this blog.

Why do we even feel the need to listen to what others have to say? why do we care what they think?! It's stupid. I wish everyone could just do what they wanted without getting shunned by society and the cliques within it. Why do some people think they're better than others and think they have the right to tell people what to do or bring them down? they bloody well don't. It's about time we learnt not to pay attention to these sort of people in life, it's our life, our choices, our decision, we do what we want to do and shouldn't be dictated to or stop doing what we love or want to because of certain people.

Going back to the school issue. You probably won't know these people after you leave school, so who cares if they pick on you, make snide comments, think what you do is stupid; they won't know you and you won't know them after those lovely years of education, you only have to deal with them for a while, then you've got the rest of you life ahead without them. School can suck, the people there can be bitches, it's just....life.

I think some people are born different. Born to stand out, to be the one who makes videos on youtube or collects stamps for a hobby or enjoys listening to classical music instead of the latest pop chart hits. What's wrong with that? Absolutely, 100 percent nothing. Different is good. Different means you're not the same, You stand out. You're going to get noticed. Not them, you, and you alone because you made that stand to be different. You'll be living your dream, whilst the others are left behind in their own similar worlds where everyone lives by societies standards and is the same; where people are frowned upon for being different.

You know me, WICKED musical fan here, so I like this expression. 'green and proud'. Elphaba in wicked was born green; people ridiculed her, treated her badly, her own father hated her and yet, despite her different appearance, she was more good natured, and kinder than all of the others put together. She was green and proud; proud to be who she was.
So yes, I'm proud to be 'green' and you should to.

I'll continue to make videos on youtube for as long as I care to do so, no matter what other people say.
I've met some lovely people, I'm part of a great community and I love every minute of it. The others are missing out.
I've got it all. People know my name, but they don't know the others names, do they?
Be different. Make a stand. Show the world the real you, ignore the others.
Be GREEN and PROUD.

Sarah xxx

03/09/09

2009-09-03T13:49:00.000-07:00

You're mind goes blank when you haven't written a blog in so long; hard to focus. Everything I write is always so long and tedious so, where do I start?
Well, firstly I actually just had to count on my fingers what month September was, Sarah, it's the ninth month; I knew that. I haven't written a blog since 12th July, wow, how time flies ! honestly it does, it all just seems a blur. What have I been doing with my time?! That question wasn't rhetorical, I need an answer :)
The beginning is usually a good place to start, unless you're like me and read the ending of a book first to find out what happens...I have no idea why I do that! *achem* any way, moving swiftly on...
The Beginning. Instead of boring you with the miniscule details of my life, I shall focus on the better parts or rather, the parts I actually remember. So, since we last spoke, or shall I say, the last time you read the ins and outs of my life, I have been up to some very amazing things and some life changing events have occurred.

I got a place in my first choice university, so YAY ME. Very excited. Although, I wish I could be doing drama or musical theatre, or film studies, or creative events, ANYTHING BUT ICT. I'm very in to the 'arts' but could rejected from doing them because I didn't have enough UCAS 'points' which sucks, dearly, but you know, I shall look on the brighter side of things, I can always join the drama club, choir and things right? I need to do drama somehow, it's my lifeee. By the way, ICT is computing incase you didn't know, yea, um, lovely.

A LEVELS! So, my results were not as expected. You can work, work, work and still not get what you deserve. Life's a bitch. I got an A for my film studies coursework though which I'm happy with!! (the horror film trailer I made, which is on youtube) so that is a great achievement! I also got an A for the horror section of our exam (I have a weird passion for horror films so go figure right? haha) and I got Bs for the other film paper!
Other subjects, I shall not discuss. Screw them all. I revised my ass of, and still, NADA. Grrr, whatever. Again, brighter side, I got in to uni though, so it's all gooood!

Registration day is 9th September - no idea when we actually start; bit nervous and unaware of what awaits me, but I look forward to it aswell! I want to meet new people, mingle, learn new skills, take part in more clubs and I wonder...will they have sororities? Hmm. Not sure I want to be bossed around by a bunch of valley girls for a week to see If I get in but you never know, if they did have one, I may um, take part...we steal things from Americans, :p

University awaits me. Freshers week should be good! daunting but awesome. Should I take my camera? or would that be weird? I vote for uber weirdness....CREEPY GIRL WITH A CAMERA, RUUUUUUN! Yea. I'm not sure I'll mention the whole 'youtube deal', or it could make a good icebreaker? - 'I make videos on the internet' 'REALLY?! so you're like a pervert?!' 'Um no.' or not..

So university, A levels results, okay so that leaves, summer holidays :)

We didn't go abroad. I didn't see any school friends. I didn't do hardly anything BUT, the two things I did do, were awesome, and so, I had a good summer.
SUMMER IN THE CITY was AH-mazing. It was basically the biggest UK youtube gathering so far hosted by littleradge, rhymingwithoranges and randomprodinc, held in London over three days, so good! I stayed for all 3 days. I stayed in a hostel with Beckie0 and omgoctopus (Beckie & Rosy) and it was lovely :)
Friday we met in Southbank by the london eye and saw loads of cool people, then in the evening we went in the 'fright club' which was so scary! you get locked in this room and zombies chase you and stuff in the dark, good stuff!
Saturday we was in Hyde park for fun and games and had the a massive circle (biggest in the universe?) in which we played pass the parcel ! then we split off in to groups and our group ventured all around London, played dodgems (Billie if youre reading this I quote, 'WE'RE GONNNA DIEEEEE!!!!' *High pitch scream*, got scared by pigeons, went in the trocadero and most importantly, went to the 'dress circle shop' - the best shop in the history of shops, in my opinion.
Y'all know I'm crazy about musicals, well this shop, is a shop about musicals! merchandise galore! I spent £60.00 in there, oops, but so worth it! I must go there again, SOONISH.
Another highlight of the Saturday was waiting outside the WICKED stage doors and meeting all the cast! I finally got a picture and autograph from Glinda (Dianne Pilkington) YAYY. I met Oliver Tompsett for the third time, Alexia Khadime, Madame Morrible and the wizard, oh and the new Nessa-Rose! :) Yes, I'll shutup about wicked now....I've got five programmes, three signed ones and pictures with the cast and a ton of merchandise, wooo ;D WICKED! no pun intended!

I'm writing in the dark and so I can't see the keys, so I'm typing without looking so ignore spelling mistakes or weird typos.
Other stuff.
Oh and SITC sunday was good also, there is a video on my youtube channel with all the gathering footage so, go watch!

I went up North for three days as well in the Summer to visit my oh-so lovely friend Amber! 'twas an Awesome weekend; we went to Wales, church oh and to the shops in our pjs, ohhh fun times.

I went on a family Holiday to a Haven Holiday park. The. worst. holliday. of. my life. Seriously. Ugh,
I won't go in to detail but, it was awful. The camp sucked.

There's no point me going in to terrific detail about what I did, as it is much easier to say it all in a video, right? yes.

My life isn't all happy sappy at the moment, I actually just broke down crying on the Sunday night because as soon as I got back from summer in the city, I got a lecture and moaned at and again I realised how not-so-perfect my life is.
I don't have a great social life, or money to spend, or people to see; my family always has problems, I don't have anything amazing to do with my life but right now, I'm content and just taking every day as it comes. Carpe diem. Seize the day.

I shall go now, and I promise to write more continuously now. Insightful blogs are yet to come. Meaningful ones. Rants. I don't know. I've got this bandwidth, it's knowing what to do with it ;p

I love you guys. Thanks for your kindness and support (most of you, not the ones who call me fat, ugly, repulsive, impersonate me, set up hate channels) but everyone else, I love you, god bless, good night.

Sarah xx

12/07/09

2009-07-12T14:02:00.000-07:00

I get annoyed at myself when I complain and worry about things that are so trivial compared to a lot of other people's problems.
I get annoyed at the people that seem to be so carefree - not a worry in the world.
Some worry about that fact that they have a tiny curl on one strand of hair, and freak out when their straighteners break whilst some worry about the fact that they may not see the dawn of another day. One person may worry and complain that they're getting fat, others long for the food we greedily consume.
In some ways, the people that have less than us, are so much better off in many ways. They don't want more. They want what they need to survive. Nothing more, nothing less. They don't waste their time worrying about small, unimportant things; they worry about survival, money, their children, whilst we live our lives complaining about the things that don't really matter.
It feels like when I complain, I shouldn't be complaining because there are people in the world who have so much more to think about, bigger problems, tougher decisions. However small and diminutive our own problems are, they always seem so much more when we're the ones dealing with them.
I worry about the future. Not today, not tomorrow, but the future. Now this seems ludicrous. Others have to take it day by day, they can't assume they have a future, or they can't imagine anything bigger or different in their future and yet, here we are, always looking to the future, worrying, worrying, worrying what the future holds. I do still live life to the full, taking every day as it comes, but sometimes, you can't help thinking, what will happen in the future? Can I deal with the stress of life to come? You honestly just don't know.
The pressure of getting a good career, nice house, making your family proud, graduating from university, passing your driving test, getting a boyfriend, marriage, responsibility...not being a kid any more, can be quite daunting.
I miss the days of being carefree, as free as in the wind. Spinning round in flower filled meadows, pulling kites, lying on the grass looking up at the clouds, listening to the quiet trickle of the babbling brooke. Sure, it sounds...tacky, but I like it. I like the idea of Neverland - you never grow up. If only dreams could become a reality, right? I wish.
The point of this blog is that, lately, I just keep thinking about all these things that I have to do, be prepared for, and also worrying about things that I shouldn't even need to be worrying about.
Some may sit and cry themselves to sleep at night because that boy wasn't the one, whilst the lady with cancer with two kids lying in the hospital is staying strong, not worrying, not thinking; just praying.
Microscopic problems, yet, we all lie awake thinking about the 'ifs' the 'buts' - I think we should just go with the flow.
Think of the amount of things we worry about on a daily basis and comprehend just how many of those things actually need worrying about. Probably not half of them. Seize the day, carpe diem. I'm trying to convince myself to do this.
I need to stop worrying about things, just get on and do it.
Life is life, it isn't easy. If it was, it wouldn't be worth living. You'd never work for what you really wanted. Where's the fun in that?
My blog starts of to be about one thing and can end up being about something else, but, I don't know.
Worrying never gets your anywhere. Every time you worry, think about the people who are sure to have much bigger problems than you, and think how they're dealing with it. They're not bursting in to tears, breaking down, getting depressed, crying themselves to sleep at night, thinking endlessly about it; they're dealing with it, focusing on the good things, getting on with their lives the best they can.
Stop worrying. Start living.
Live is worth it.

Sarah x

23/06/09

2009-06-23T11:07:00.000-07:00

Drama. Possibly one of the only things in the entire world that makes me happy. I love the stage, the lights, the people, the ability to be someone other than yourself; I don't crave the attention, I crave the happiness I experience when doing it.
What I want to be more than anything else in the entire world, is a West End Star. Go on. Just say it. It'll never happen. So everyone keeps telling me, it's an unrealistic dream. Well, isn't that what dreaming is meant to be? A state of mind characterised by abstraction and release from reality....It may not ever happen, but that doesn't stop me from dreaming. If you want something badly enough, you'll do anything to succeed.
I've been part of stage schools, theatre guilds, taken part in school productions, been for film auditions, I studied performing arts for GCSE , anything that I can to bring me one step closer to my dream. Unfortunately, I could not take drama for A level, as my school did not teach it to that standard, so I decided to wait until university. Now, it seems my dream has been shattered; a bit dramatic you may say, but, to be told you can't do something you set your mind and soul to...is hard.
I got bullied in to taking subjects I didn't want to take for A levels. My ideal subjects would have been drama (taken at a different school) English literature, film studies and photography. My school isn't keen on the arts, and so will do everything in their power to stop their students from taking (as they say) 'Mickey Mouse subjects' - in other words, easy subjects. I presented my choices to the school and my family and was advised (almost told) not to do those subjects. 'No universities will take you if you take those subjects, they don't reckon them' 'those courses are easy, you need something more academic' 'how do you expect to have a good career ahead of you by taking those subjects' 'an actress? not bloody likely' 'why not take science, spanish, history?!' 'I advise strongly against you taking those subjects' we must insist you do more academic subjects Sarah'
If I could turn back time, I would have said 'f*** you, it's my life, I do what I want to do. I live my life the way I want, thank you'
It's too late now. I took subjects that ruined my life. Religious education, information communication technology, psychology and history. I hated the subjects, too hard, not what I wanted. I'm not an academic person, I'm a person of the arts. Because of my hatred and feeble understanding of the subjects, I failed my AS levels. Well, no, they were passes, just not good enough. If I had taken the subjects I wanted to take, no doubt my results would have been better...so much better.
The fact that I got what I got on my AS levels, I was put on academic review and had to sign a contract to the school saying I could have no free periods in the common room, I had to sign in and go to the library. See no friends, just do work. I was allowed no home study, so I just sat in the library whilst all my friends got to go home, or out for lunch or whatever. Punished for failing something I didn't want to take in the first place. Punished for my mistakes which wouldn't have been made, if I had done what I wanted to do.
I dropped history after AS, couldn't handle it any longer and finally, I stood up and said 'I want to do film studies' 'Sarah, are you sure? what about....' 'NO. I'm doing film studies.'
So, I only have an AS in film but it's better than nothing. I realised from this, that it's not that I'm crap at school, it's just I'm crap at doing what I don't want to do...naturally. I got two As in my film studies coursework, I was so happy. I pray for an 'A' in the exam. Not that any of this will help me right now though...
We had to apply for the universities we wanted to go to, months ago. I applied to two and was given conditional offers. It was only after investigating in to the course that my firm choice university had given me, when I discovered they had given me the wrong course. I had applied for ICT because again, I was told it had more careers available to go into when university was over. I wasn't exactly happy about it, but, I realised that I could become a film editor or indeed anything really, with any degree.
However, the course they gave me was ICT but not a honours degree, it was only a HND diploma course which basically means it is like the first two years of a degree course but without the third year. I was puzzled as to why this course had suddenly been given to me when I had applied for a honours degree in ICT. I was blamed for picking the wrong course code, but I knew for a fact I hadn't.
We finally got in touch with the admissions advisors for the university, I was told by some one at a uni open day that I could change my course if I wanted if it was before the 30th June; this is where I saw my opportunity.
'Sarah, this is where you can finally do what you want to do! be what you want to be! - take drama, film or anything to do with the arts!!' and so, with this in mind, I explained to the lady my trouble and that I wanted to change my course. She said that it was fine and asked what I wanted to change it to. She took my UCASE number and the course code for what I wanted to switch to 'drama and theatre studies' 'okay, one moment she said'
After a longer wait of what seemed to be forever, she came back on the line, and shattered my dream of getting a degree in acting.
"I am afraid that we would not be able to consider your request to change for any of the courses that you have chosen as this is not at the required level. We do not think you will receive enough points to do a honours degree.
We would therefore recommend that on or after August 20th you look at courses that are available through Clearing, by this time you will have also received the confirmed results from your A-levels and your grades may be higher than those that you have been predicted. I am sorry that we are not able to consider your request at present, but hopefully this will change once Clearing opens."
worst.thing.I've.heard.in.my.life.
I gave them a list of subjects I wanted to switch to: drama or theatre studies, or film studies, or photography, or creative events, or film art - not.accepted.for.any.
She then told me that the reason I was offered ICT diploma even though I had applied for an honours degree in ICT was because they thought I would not achieve the points needed for the course.
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE FOR YOU TO TELL ME AND NOT JUST CHANGING IT FOR ME.
It all links together. Forced to take subjects I hated - didn't do too well - affects what the universities let me do - so now, I can't do a degree course.
Option they gave me 'lose the place you have now, wait until results day, if you do have enough points for drama, pay to to in to clearing (all the left over places on courses in all universities) and see if there is a place available for you at some university.'
No. Because 'clearing' can send you to any university, anywhere, they can't guarantee it will be near, so no. Also, if I don't get the points needed for the course then I will have no university placement at all.
A higher national diploma is still okay though, because after two years I can stay on an extra year and make it a degree, so it isn't all bad...yeah right. I want to do drama.
All I could do is join the uni drama group. But that won't give me a BA in acting will it? Nooo :|
My last option.
Contact RADA (the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts) See if they let me audition - maybe get a scholarship, if not, pay £4000 a year. I want to act. I want to sing. I want to dance. Nothing or no one is going to stop me.
I feel like bursting in to tears. We only live once. I want to do something worth while. Makes me happy, makes me want to get up in the morning, lets me be who I want to be.
Lets hope I get this chance.

14/6/09

2009-06-14T10:36:00.000-07:00

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

We are who we are because we're born that way. Predestined to like certain things, act a particular way, grow up to be a specific sort of person. Well, so some people say.

Some are born to be popular. Others, to sit on a bench alone at lunch.

Some will be smart, others dumb. Some average, friendly, bitchy, mean, two-faced, kind, generous...who knows. Endless list of possibilities.

Why are people born to grow up a certain way? maybe they're not. Maybe, it's the environment in which they grow up, their family, the friends they make, the things they're taught - however, a lot of the time, it seems as if you're destined to be the way you are. If our personalities are predestined for us, the who knows what else.

No one's perfect. Some may appear so, but looks, fame, fortune, isn't everything. Every body makes mistakes, people are just people. So why when we make mistakes are we judged by others? when them themselves are just like us. No different, no better. And yet, some seem to think they are.
Why can't every one just get along? Stupid question, but why is life such a constant battle between people? Can't people see each other for who they really are? Not their hair, their figure, their skin colour, their popularity, their brains, their stereotype but the real person.I hate it.

The world is changing so much, for the worse, not for the better. If you believed in God, you'd begin to think how he should clear this world he made and start again from scratch; rectifying his mistakes - 'us'.
We abuse our planet, we abuse each other, what sort of world is this? It's horrible.

I hate the stereotypes, the fact people don't care about the planet. popularity, cliques, that fact that time is all that matters to people any more. It's always 'I haven't got time! 'where did time go?' 'time flies by' 'I'm going to be late'. Wouldn't it be easier to just not have time? No rushing, no crowds, no constant need to get every where. Peace. Quiet. Slow Down.

Not sure why I'm writing this but, I just hate everything. How everything is; people, it infuriates me. You do something different and suddenly you're a loser, you stand out from the crowd you're a 'freak' - popularity - who wants it. It's a constant cry for attention - you need, want, everything now. Ugh, please, honestly >.<
So, there you have it. Me writing things that don't really make any sense but, I started typing and this is what I wrote.
The beach. A place of quiet, tranquillity, the place where time stands still.
Think. On these things.
Sarah x

When I grow up...

2009-06-02T12:56:00.000-07:00

"What do you want to be when you grow up?",
my mummy one day asked.
"A fairy princess with glittery wings, a magic wand and mask!"
"what do you want to be when you grow up?"
my mummy asked a few years later.
"A fireman, policeman, vet"
I said "maybe even a waiter!"
"what do you want to be when you grow up?"
my mum asked me when I turned ten.
"a singer, an actress, a TV reporter, like the ones outside
Big Ben."
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
My mum asked as I turned thirteen.
"I don't know, get out of my room, can't you see
I'm watching TV"
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
I was now fifteen years of age.
"The wife of someone rich"
I said, "With a servant and a maid"
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
I was asked at sweet sixteen.
"I won't be anything unless i pass my exams!!"
"i'll be part of the tesco team!!"
"Now i've asked you this many times before, and many
different answers you have given, but right now tell what you really want,
not the lie that you've been livin'.
"I want to be something that makes me happy, makes me smile with joy, but you can't do that,
in this world, life isn't there to enjoy. I want to be a singer, an actress on the westend - remember how my constant
singing used to drive you round the bend?
i want to perform in front of millions, be famous, be known, be happy, I want to standing in the spotlight, oh i know, that does
sound sappy.
i want to fly to neverland, with Wendy and peterpan. i want to be there to fight captain hook, lend a helping hand.
I want to forget my troubles, forget everything exists, i want to be surrounded by a bubble, that won't be broken by a fist.
I want to be carefree, be happy, be free, but that can't happen whilst i'm studying for a degree.
Why does everything have to be so hard, seem so tiresome, so pointless, so dull? Why can't it be as simple as playing with barbie dolls?
I want life to be a musical, where everyone just sings and dances, people gather in the streets to mingle, no arguments no classes.
i want time to stop moving, it's moving oh-to-fast, i want to make the most of my life, make it memorable, make it last.
the blur of the traffic is sending me spinning, I just want to take a break, sit and listen to the birds singing in the trees, before it's that little too late.
I've now told you mother what i really want, but I know I can never have it, so tell me why can't i go back to my childhood years and just keep on reliving it.
my mother thought for a while, never uttering a word, and then slowly and then slowly but surely she said,
"i know that lately life seems hard and i won't lie to you it gets harder, but you listen, listen closely and hear, lean in to hear my
daughter,
Don't work too hard throughout your life, there is always time to play, “Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.”

29/05/09

2009-05-29T14:38:00.000-07:00

^{"The rain may be falling hard outside,
But your smile makes it all alright.
I'm so glad that you're my friend.
I know our friendship will never end."
-- Robert Alan}

_{I had an amazing three days, thanks to Beckie! :)}

On the 27th May 2009 we went to Sluis in Holland and had a great time (despite the horrid weather). It was my second time going, and to be honest nothing had changed at all!!
Sluis is famous for their 'pancake house': People from all over the world go to Holland just to have a Belgian waffle or pancakes!
Of course, me and Beckie decided to go in and try one for ourselves - I think we regretted it in a way - they are so lovely!!! - we want more!!!
Beckie and myself had waffle, with vanilla icecream and strawberries, and my gosh, it was the biggest waffle I've seen in my life - tasted wonderful - sorry if I'm making you hungry! My nan and grandad had pancakes but they wished they had had waffles after seeing ours!!
I find that I respect foreign people much more than the British due to the fact that they can all speak english as a second language - we go to their country expecting them to understand us - we don't even try to learn there language, and yet, when they come to England, we expect them to know English but we don't know their language, hmmm.
Any way, back on to the subject of WAFFLES! here's an 0h-so-lovely picture for you all :D I want one now :D:D:D Also, we got a big surprise when ordering our drinks - I asked for diet coke so naturally I got a small glass of coke - Beckie and my grandad asked for apple or pineapple juice so you'd expect a small glass of this beverage...um not quite....this is what they got - WOAH!
It was huge. Huge waffles, huge pancakes bigger than my head, huge drinks, HUGE BILL. It cost a lot of money, especially for pancakes but we probably won't have one again for a few years, haha :p

I had such a great time with Beckie, we're so random together! love you so much!! - as usual, we recorded pure randomness for you all HERE:

We lip-synched on the coach, waved to the neighbours, threw squirrels, did the hoedown throwdown and other stuff, yes, we are too weird.
Fantastic times!! Oooh, but wait, there's more!
We met Bille AKA 'westendactress' from twitter/youtube in a shopping centre, we had quite a job finding her but we did it!!
She's lovely and we share an obsession for WICKED!!

^{Good times *^_^*}

hmm, what else to write about....
UNIVERSITY! - AHHH everything has gone wrong - basically, the course I selected was a degree course but what the uni offered me for the campus I wanted to go to was in fact NOT degree course. I have already selected which uni is my firm choice and which is my insurance and it says that after that has been done, nothing can be changed, SHIT!!
I want to go to uni to do a degree not a diploma course and it costs too much money to just waste it and not get a degree, so...we're going to have to ring up UCAS or the university and find out what can be done.
They make everything so confusing! it's unreal! Even applying for student finance was complicated, bloody hell! do they not want people to be educated in this country? 'cos they make it darn hard for people to apply for uni and THE RIGHT COURSE! When I selected the course from the website it said BSChons, so an honours degree, but we've just found out that the course they offered me once I applied, was not the same course I asked for, WTF?!! I want a DEGREE not a DIPLOMA. I really hope this can get sorted. GAHHHHH. Any one know anything about this sort of thing? Older people who read this I mean...help!!!
Enough about uni, it freaks me out a little.

^{I want to fly away to neverland and never come back...}^{I don't want to grow up :(}^{Where's the fun in that>?}

EXAMS GAHHHHH >.
I've got my first A level exam on 4th June - ICT - I'm going to fail - help!!

Another thing, remember the job I applied for, the waitressing one? The man said I had the job told me he was going to arrange a trial shift for me, but never rang back, I contacted him several times, he never replied. Rude git. So I need to job hunt again!!

Enough blogging!

Sarah x

26/05/09

2009-05-26T05:04:00.000-07:00

Yet again, long time, no blog.
Busy busy busy >.<
Time just seems to fly by - it's almost June - BLIMEY! seriously, where does the time go?
I would say school, however, we actually spend more time at home than school however, it doesn't feel that way, considering we sleep for the majority of time we're at home :/
Speaking of school, I'VE OFFICIALLY LEFT.YAYYAYYAYYAYYAY. You can understand my happiness.
I hated that school with a passion, it was great, up until sixth form. The worst decision I made was staying on at my schools sixth form and not going to a college instead. But, I've done it, 7 years at that building of oh-so-lovely education - never again!!
I'm so happy, and not sad in the slightest, ha.
We had our leaver's assembly on the last day of term, 22nd May. Usually the whole school attends, however, this year it was just the year 13's. As we entered in to the hall, a slideshow was playing - on each slide was the name of the student, school photograph and what they were doing when they left such as uni or employment. There are 88 students in the year. The 'friends' theme tune by the Rembrandts was playing as we entered, slightly cheesy but okay...
Each person, depending on their popularity or how many friends they had, received massive cheers when their picture and information about them was displayed on the slide. Quite annoying. It was very noticeable that some people got louder cheers and more support than others, but who honestly cares, right? Hmm. Popularity isn't everything...moving on.
In the year 13 common room, it is very segregated - six tables - six different 'cliques' in a way. It's always been that way, I guess that's just how it is. I don't like stereotyping but have stereotyped people in the past, it's just a big part of our society, you can't ignore it. There is always going to be the 'popular' kids, the nerds, the sporty ones, the brainiacs, goths, emos - they're everywhere. Everyone wants to categorise every one else, so whether you like it or not, you're not an individual, you're always part of a group in some way.
Any way, well, out of these six groups, each group had a spokesperson, who went up on the stage, made a little speech about the group, mentioned everyone's names, funny memories, quotes etc or general ramblings and had pictures up of the group behind them whilst doing so.
My so called group was called 'the inbetweeners' (possibly because we sit in the middle of the common room) and according to the spokesperson 'an unlikely bunch of friends'. Each person's name was read out in turn, and something was said about each person - everyone except...me.
I would rant and rave about how I'm incredibly pissed off and blah blah blah, but now, I couldn't care less.
Fair enough, I haven't been in the common room for a while for various reasons but I'm still part of 'the group'. I talk to everyone in it, have lessons with them, are general friends with them, everything friends do, but somehow, I wasn't included.
Been at the school for 7 years, been in that group for roughly five/six years, and not one single teeny weeny mention. I wasn't even in any of the pictures on our groups slideshow, I mean, WTF?!?!
Fuck 'em, seriously.
So what, this blog is bitching about them? No, it's not. Not mentioning names or anything, but you know who you are, cos you will read this undoubtedly.
I wouldn't say I ever fitted in with that group any way.
Unless it was a 'everyone can attend' sort of event, I wasn't invited. I was not selected from the group to be part of a select few invited to someone's birthday meal or party, never, except by one person.
Even she's changed, changed to the extent I don't recognise the real her any more.
I never felt comfortable half the time, it's like I was an acquaintance, not a friend. I was never the one that got showered with presents at birthdays, now, I'm not being ungrateful and I know presents aren't everything but when most others in the group seem to get presents from EVERYONE on their birthday, and you are lucky if you get two, you start to feel unvalued and not wanted in the group.
I know this isn't fair but it started to become like 'you didn't buy me a present, so I'm not buying you one'.
I stopped buying others presents, because I never received them in return and I was not being mean, just basically making a point. You don't value me as a friend on my birthday, then right back at you.
I've talked about this before but It just annoys me. Not so much anymore, but the last day really put everything in to perspective.
I do have true friends. Friends that will actually last forever, I can't imagine even remembering any one from my school in a few years time, let alone seeing them. I don't think they're friends for life somehow.
I love the friends who I have things in common with me, take me as I am, like a laugh, to have fun, share the tears, capture the moments on camera, be care free and just be themselves.
I can honestly say, I've only know Beckie for about a year, and yet, it feels like I've known her a life time.
I value her friendship so much, she is a wonderful person and I feel like I could talk to her about anything. Love you Beckie.<3
So, school, over, f*** off out of my life.
three exams left to go, then it's off to uni! - I'm scared but in so many ways, cannot wait to see what lies ahead. :)

Exams
I had my film studies exam on the 13th May - it was okay - so glad it's over!
On the same day, I was invited by DisneyUK to attend the Jonas Bros. 3D Concert experience premiere in London!
I had an awesome day and really appreciate the oppurtunity!!

I'm currentlty waiting for Beckie to arrive - we're going to Holland for a day trip tomorrow!
Can't wait! *pray for nice weather*

I just want to say, I love you 'internet' people so much, thank you for all the support, comments, messages and videos.
You make me smile.

Thanks for reading,
Sarah xx

05/05/09

2009-05-05T01:16:00.000-07:00

Time flies when you're having fun

So it seems I've neglected blogging lately, but to be honest, I have been rather busy. So okay, it hasn't been 'happy sappy' all the time, trust me. As exams draw closer and closer, I begin to feel like I'm actually not going to pass these exams because of the fact, I despise all of my subjects so much, except film.
If you don't like a subject, you hate the teachers, you don't understand it and it bores you to death most of the time, then you're not going to put 100% effort into it on the exam day, are you? no.
Religious studies - don't understand it - we're not even allowed to take a bible into the exam, we have to remember passages fROM MEMORY!!! - I'm sorry but that's just ludicrous - how the bloomin' heck am I meant to remember bible passages and quotes and theologian names, philosopher names, definition of terms and all theologions work, AHHHHH. I hate, hate, hate it. I wish it was as simple as 'Does God exist? Discuss." - now that would be a great question. But no, it's all, 'Aquinas' 'the parables' 'messianic secret' 'kingdom of God' 'the soul' and 'miracles' - now miracles, I thought I would like that topic but it's acutally nothing to do with miracles that we would call 'miracles' - too hard to explain, just, bloody hate it so much.
ICT - like computers, love the internet, hate information communication technology. ICT theory, NONE OF US UNDERSTAND IT, I'VE LEARNT N-O-T-H-I-N-G!!!! seriously. Not one thing since the beginning of the year. So how the hell am I expected to pass the exam when the teacher is bloody hopeless and we don't know anything?
IT Coursework - well, that's almost finished, thank the Lord.
Psychology - loved it in year 12, but again, HATE (there's that word again) hate it now. It's very complex, so many things to remember, key studies and blah, however, I still do like it I suppose so as long as I revisde absolutely everything!!! - I should be okay.
Now for a bit of happiness, film studies.
I cannot express how much I love and enjoy this subject. I achieved an 'A' grade in both pieces of coursework, practical and non-practical and I really want to work so hard to gain an 'A' in the exam - pleasepleaseplease.
Film is definitely my favourite subject - I'd do it all the time if I could :))))
-off of the subject of schools, exams and stress - lalalala.....

Since I last blogged quite a few things have happened, one big thing in particular....more about that in a minute...and I've been so busy.....

15th-16th April - went to London with Beckie0 - love you Beckie!!!
Stayed in a youth hostel, right next to St Paul's cathedral so the darn bell woke us up every hour - oh well!!!
Went to Madame Tussauds, BBC studios, platform 9 3/4, camden market, convent gardens - basically, everywhere in London, kind of, haha =D
We had an awesome time!!

AHHH, lesson in 20 minutes, type faster Sarah, typeeee!!!

BIGBIGBIGBIG NEWS! Which you will probably all know by now!!!! lol.
In a nutshell:
-I was contacted by DisneyUK via youtube to attend the Hannah Montana premiere in London in order to be 'press' and interview Miley Cyrus herself!!!
- I took Amber along with me and we had an awesome day, it was just so awesome!
-The camera, the people, the stars, the crowds, wow, wow, WOW!!
We also met George Sampson, Demi Lovato, Billy Ray Cyrus and other celebrities.
Go check out the premiere videos on my channel to see the footage from the day!!!
http://youtube.com/sarahxxlou

-then, school, revision, work, sleep
-Ummm, Saw 'Coraline' at the cinema and I loved it!!!!
-Seen HM three times now as well....ahhh (not by choice) however, it is a great movie though!!!!

Ugh, it's starting to rain - looovely.
Well, I'd better go, lessons soon.

I will start blogging more often, oh and I know it's daaaaays late but PICH PUNCH FIRST DAY OF THE MONTH ^.^

Love,
Sarah x

13/04/09

2009-04-13T01:04:00.000-07:00

...Long time, no blog :)
I've been quite busy, or so it would seem - I just haven't found the time to blog. In fact, there isn't much to blog about.
It's the Easter holidays, and so far, have not done much at all. Revision is gathering dust on my desk and my purse is looking rather empty. No friends to go out any where with, nothing to occupy myself in the tiny little town in which I live.
I not the sort of person that needs to spend money and go somewhere to have fun. I like going to big, outdoor parks, getting an ice cream, wondering around, looking, thinking, and of course...filming.
Speaking of filming, as many of you know, I'm doing the 'Vlog Every Day April' videos on youtube.
It's hard work, consistently vlogging every day - especially with the video uploader being dreadfully slow (took two hours to upload a three minute video!!) and it's finding the time to actually record it too!!
Today
I have a job interview today, AHHH, scary!! It's for a waitressing job at this apparently 'Posh' golf club, mind you, all the golfers I've seen look pretty posh so their wives would be to - haha :))))
Well, I'm currently getting ready to go to the interview (it's at 10:30am - lalala....)
Wish me luck!!!
Sarah x

-back home from the interview
I GOT THE JOB WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

05/04/09

2009-04-05T12:27:00.000-07:00

Utube Drama needs to fuck off >.<

"SarahxxLou says in her YouTube video titled BOWLING that when she puts on her baseball cap she looks like actress Kristen Stewart who played seventeen-year-old Isabella Bella Swan from the movie Twilight and this English bitch must be crazy because actress Kristen Stewart is a beautiful girl which is 180 degree turn from what this YouTuber looks like in her checkered plaid pajamas so don't try to fool yourself because you ain't got nothing on actress Kristen Stewart and then she says she went to her brother's birthday party who is disabled which is the wrong word to use because the politically correct phrase she should have used was physically challenged and why do you keep saying um every other sentence um I don't know and yes she should vlog everyday because she will be in good company and join the rest of the losers who made a pact to vlog everyday VDAE style in April but don't have shit to say except waste oxygen and YouTube's precious bandwidth."

You don't even know me.
You know nothing about me.
You pick on other people to make your own pathetic self feel better.
Trevor Reiger is a talentless twat who is supposedly 'the most banned person on youtube' - probably for being so down right boring! When he talks in his videos about other people, he laughs at what he's written, as if it's funny, the only bit of satisfaction he gets from his pathetic life.
The internet has lots of perks.
But a down side to.
The internet is home to people like Trevor Reiger.
It is YOU who is wasting precious bandwidth by spreading pointless shit about people around on your crappy website.
Get your own life. Stop getting involved in other peoples.

x

31/03/09

2009-03-31T12:22:00.000-07:00

“Time is free, but it's priceless. You can't own it, but you can use it. You can't keep it, but you can spend it. Once you've lost it you can never get it back.”

It's the end of March already. Oh, how time flies by. Exams are getting closer, the end of school is drawing nearer, it's all happening so fast and yet at the same time, each day we have to go through seems at the time to go slow. I don't want to take my exams, I hate all my subjects, doubt I'll do well in them however, I won't assume I'm going to fail right here and now. I'll revise, and what ever happens, happens. Everything happens for a reason. And then, university. I can't wait to go. Get a whole new set of friends, friends who can be relied upon, friends for life. A whole new way of learning, new atmosphere, new teachers, new found independence, everything. I can't wait. In a way I just want to leave and go there right now, but for some reason, I just want to slow down. I feel like my life is flying by and I haven't accomplished anything. I know, I know....I'm only eighteen. Life doesn't begin until forty right? I wish. I've still got lots of time to accomplish what I want in life. Time. Time, time, time. No such thing as time. We invented it. It's man-made, doesn't actually exist. Why do we insist with living by 'time'. It gives us deadlines, stress, a reason to worry - are we late? are we early? what's the time? have you got the time? what time does my meeting start? I could go on. Without time, we wouldn't need to keep up with the constant fast pace of the world. There wouldn't be any rush do get things done. It would be calm, collected,quiet.

The noise of the world is getting me caught up, chasing the clock and I wish I could stop it, just need to breathe, I need to sleep. Slow - me - down.

27/03/09

2009-03-27T16:25:00.001-07:00

23:25
Time flies by.

Hey!
Not much to tell today really.
Been editing a video for a while but to my dismay, windows movie maker will not save it!
Stupid, ridiculous, crap technology.
So annoying!!!
I'd better go to bed. I've got a busy busy busy day tomorrow!!
Shopping, ice skating, then a friends party, so much to do!!!!
Need sleep!!

Night all!!
Sarah x

25/03/09

2009-03-25T02:08:00.001-07:00

Isn't strange how someone's simple words can have a huge impact on you.
I constantly get told by people, people that I don't even know, that I'm fat, have a 'jew' nose, weird teeth and other nasty remarks and after a certain amount of time, you can easily start to believe what they're saying is true. However, they don't even know me as a person, therefore they can only speak of what they see on youtube, youtube isn't completely 'me', it's just one 2D side they see, not 'the other side of me' - (no don't start singing Hannah Montana')
I've learnt to ignore the haters, they just want attention. If you answer back to them, then you're giving them what they want. Ignoring is the best option.
I know that I'm not fat. I'm not skinny either, but i have a 'normal' or 'average' BMI reading so I'm most certainly not overweight. at that's a doctors opinion, so people calling me fat, just makes them look uneducated and unaware of what they're actually saying.
Okay, i'll admit i don't have the nicest nose in the world, but giving me and insult like 'jew nose' is an insult to jews, let alone to me. Just because someone isn't perfect, doesn't mean you have to pick up on and magnify their flaws. It's pointless. just because they have lower self esteem, doesn't mean they should bring others down with them.
The reason I bring this up is because someone i know 'laura' < you know who you are (if you're reading this) Not an 'IRL' person....haha, anyway, someone told her she ate too much....WHAT BUSINESS IS ITOF THEIRS ?!? She can eat what she wants to. No one can tell her otherwise. People say I eat a lot and I just think...you don't even know me?!? I mean really, truly, you don't. So what, I show stuff to the camera 'sweets from heaven' 'chocolate' 'waffles' it doesn't mean I eat all of it or any of it for that matter. you don't know what i eat, you can't judge me, you don't even know me. Anyway, back to laura.....
Laura, carrying on eating what you want to. Okay, so maybe lower the junk food if you eat loads but, you're a dancer right? You're getting exercise, I've met you and you seem the perfect weight for your height and all. Ignore them, they know nothing. if we listened to what everyone had to say, we would never get any where in life.
Okay?
some people can be complete idiots.
>.<

Sarah
x

21/03/09

2009-03-21T14:44:00.000-07:00

"The making of friends, who are real friends, is the best token we have of a man's success in life."

I had a fantastic day today :). I went to london with Jon Luke Cogger, who is possibly one of the nicest people I've ever met, we had a wonderful time We did so many things....
Met at Victoria/Oxford Street/Apple Store/McDonalds/Kings Cross/Leicester Square/Trafalgar Square/Trocadero/Science museum/met Oliver Tompsett!!!/shopping in Victoria Palace plus about a billion choob, yes CHOOB journeys haha. It was so fun.
Hmmm, a metal cage fell on Jon in Trocadero, he fell on this poor old woman whilst on the tube, I fell on this random man - we're so weird..... We did so much walking today, it 'twas unbelievable It was so worth it though. So tired now, I would write more but need sleep ZZZZZZZ
Night! x

20/03/09

2009-03-20T02:36:00.000-07:00

Hey :D
At school, in IT and we have no teacher, thank goodness. The deadline for our coursework is in less than two weeks, oh I'm scared, there's so much to do!! So I'm glad she's not here so we can just get on with it.
TOMORROW! So excited about tomorrow!! I'm going to a Youtube gathering at Kings Cross so it should be awesome!! Kristina from fiveawesomegirls is going to be there :) wooo. Can't wait to see everyone. Also, I've never been to platform 9 3/4 so that should be good (photo time! haha)
I haven't really got much to blog about. I've got RE next, oh what fun *rolls eyes* I hate all my subjects, but most of all RE it's awful!!
Sorry, I won't keep mentioning school and how utterly ridiculous and crap it is.
Well, ten minutes until RE, better get some more IT work, seeing as I can't go on the internet as everything is blocked. They could atleast unblock twitter. They haven't blocked twitpic so what's the difference?!?? ahhhh.
Anyway,thanks for reading!
Sarah
x
ps: I love the new google logo THE HUNGRY CATERPILLAR!!!! - LOOOOVE IT!!!

17/03/09

2009-03-17T11:39:00.000-07:00

HAPPY ST PATRICK'S DAY

I don't celebrate St Patrick's day seeing as it's really only an Irish celebration but thought I'd wear green and join in the celebration!!!! I only have a few green items. I really wanted a leprechaun hat....couldn't find one any where, darrnit! :)
Today was pretty ordinary. Full day of lessons, consisting of getting more homework, more stressed about exams and blah blah blah, same old crap. School needs to just f*** off for a while, seriously. I've had enough of my school. It managed to obtain an 'outstanding' grade from the ofstead inspectors and yet, my school is far from outstanding in my opinion. It's all about getting 'A's' all the freakin' time!!! Isn't working to the best of our ability good enough for you?!?!!? obviously not, grrrrr. Most people can do two or three A levels, we HAVE, yes, HAVE to do four in order to stay in our school's sixth form. It's ludicrous. Most universities only want three A levels. I MEAN FOR CHRIST SAKES EVEN OXFORD AND CAMBRIDGE ONLY ASK FOR THREE A LEVELS NOT FOUR!!!!!!! I could scream at our school management staff sometimes. Stupid rules, stupid teachers, stupid subjects, stupid coursework, stupid homework. I hate it. I rant a lot about school. I used to love it now I despise it, and will do anything I can to avoid it. They've made it a horrible environment to be in. They just can't see it. We're not the best because the students aren't happy. Take the student's feelings into consideration would you? No. They don't listen. Never have, never will. They just want their precious school to look good, they don't care about us. I wish I had gone to school in America. It looks 'fun' well more so than school In Britain, hmmmmm. Enough ranting. I'm off to the cinema soon to see 'Young Victoria' - let's hope it's good.
Much love.
Sarah
x

16/03/09

2009-03-16T01:08:00.000-07:00

"...an uneasy psychological state."

Nervousness. Why was this invented?
If no one had invented a name for this so called 'jittery' feeling then no one would know what it was.
Therefore no one would get nervous, the world would be a little bit better...
okay, perhaps not. But if nervousness wasn't attached to us like a puppet to a string, we wouldn't be afraid to be more out going, do more eventful things in life.
People do overcome nerves I know. Most times a persons will do to something is stronger than the nerves itself. They will succeed in doing what they're doing. But sometimes nerves can be the cause of failure.
Okay, enough negativity, it's making me nervous, hmmm.
I have something to do today, something that is making me nervous which is why I'm writing about it here. Why can't we just do what we have to do and not feel nervous, well we can I suppose. When you're dreading something and then it's over, it doesn't seem that big of a deal it;s just beforehand where you have to force yourself to do it and forget about the butterflies.
Well.
I'm dreading today, kind of, but I know it won't be as bad as I think it is.
Wish me luck.
Sarah x

15/03/09

2009-03-15T04:09:00.000-07:00

Two sides of a person. You never really see both sides. They can't bare to look at each other. Too different. Too opposite

Their greatest asset is their greatest curse...

Sorry, this just reminded me of the 'Weeping Angels' from Doctor who.

Sunday.

What can you expect from a Sunday? Not much to be honest.Sorry I haven't been writing much lately, sometimes I prefer to use pictures, then people who shouldn't be reading this are confused by what they see. Hmmm, yes. But writing, writing, writing, that can be good to. An outlet for expression, emotion, and blah, but, really, I don't feel like I can write EXACTLY what I'm thinking here. Part of me says I should, I can write what I want, after all, we have free will, don't we? This can be questioned....I want to write about every little detail but just can't. Some would be offended, I may as well just say it to their faces This has possibly been the most boring of weekends, ever. Seriously, I have been unoccupied the entire time.Hmph. Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. No, I'm not singing 'Annie', I'm nervous about tomorrow. EEEEK! Help, help, help, help. *fingers crossed all goes well*So long, farewell xx

14/03/09

2009-03-14T11:32:00.000-07:00

One side of me wants to say exactly what I think about everything, everyone....the other tells me I should say nothing....be silent.

You can't say what you mean anymore Sarah. Everyone will see.

12/03/09

2009-03-12T14:52:00.000-07:00

I need to focus. Everything, everyone is just a blur. Too much to do. Too many things to think about. Well what about me?!?

11/03/09

2009-03-11T09:34:00.000-07:00

"Discovering this idyllic place, we find ourselves filled with yearning to linger here, where time stands still and beauty overwhelms."

08/03/09

2009-03-08T07:53:00.000-07:00

07/03/09

LONDON

I took this photo

I had a fantastic day yesterday (even though I was 'flying solo') heehee, no pun intended. So I was left on my own all weekend, so decided to venture up to London and see if they had any tickets left for WICKED and they did :) I was soooo happy!!
So yesterday, I saw the matinee showing of Wicked and finally got to see Kerry Ellis perform as Elphaba, she was fantastic. Her 'Defying Gravity' blew me away!!! I love Dianne Pilkington as Glinda, she is just hilarious!! So I had an awesome day!!! It was my fourth time seeing Wicked - yes, I looove it!!! I've seen three different Elphaba's - Kerry Ellis, Alexia Khadime and Ashleigh Gray- all of whom are amazing!!! Anyway, it was so fun just going down there on a whim and seeing something I love. It was brilliant. I even bought another Wicked hoodie to add to my collection, aha. Overall, I had such a great time.

"As someone told me lately, ev'ryone deserves a chance to FLY!!!!"

02/03/09

2009-03-02T05:22:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Dr Seus

Hmm, yes. Anyway. I'm home from school early thank goodness I'm in a ranting sort of mood, but I've lost the will to type right now Okay, maybe I'll write something..... I've never had a particularly close bunch of friends that I could always rely on. I always wanted a group of friends like in 'The Sleepover club'. So, okay, I know it's a kids program, but the friends saw each other everyday, could tell each other everything, arranged to do things on the spur of the moment. It's never been like that with me and 'friends'. I can't wait until I go to uni and make a new bunch of friends, also not forgetting some of the close friends I have from 'The internet' (even though I've met them in real life and I'm actually closer to certain people than my IRL so called 'friends'. Yes, I will always use rabbit ears when writing Friends - unless I'm talking about people that I would most certainly classify as friends - Beckie, Amber, Calum, Lottie, Jonny etc. Loves you.
I won't go into detail at all but I'm always the last one to be notified of things in the group, I never feel like I fit in, I never get birthday presents from people or they forget my birthday altogether (apart from a certain person) - I don't get invited to peoples birthday meals when a select few are invited - I only get invited when it's the WHOLE group, even then, I'm not told 'til the last minute so can't make it.
Also, Don't you just hate it when people say they going to do something with you one day and then text you saying they've decided against it and are going out with everyone else somewhere else? Yea I hate that to. Grr, some people. Sorry, this may seem a little bitchy writing about this but, who cares. My blog, my space, my thoughts, my bandwidth, so there.
Depressing I know, sorry everyone. I think everyone is a little depressed in some sense at the moment. Exams, mocks, all sort of things to worry about. Hmmmm Oh, yes, one other thing, why does everyone have to be stereotypical about people???!?? Sorry, random comment but......

Well. I'll stop for now. Focus on happy thoughts, lalalala.Sarah x

28/02/09

2009-02-28T13:42:00.000-08:00

Pissed Off

25/02/09

2009-02-26T03:04:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone. Sorry that I'm not blogging consecutively anymore, I just haven't got much to say about anything right now.
Currently at school, in the library, 10 minutes until my next lesson; religious education, which I absolutely hate with a vengeance. It's all theology, philosophy and crap. HATE IT!!!
We're supposed to be writing an essay in the lesson.
Already done it, haha. YAY!!! I'm ahead of people :) so now what will I do in his dull and pointless lesson? STARE AT THE FREAKIN' CLOCK!!! probably.

I'm rather stressed with youtube right now. Stupid thing to be stressed about I know.
Well, I wouldn't say stressed, more like infuriated with.
Youtube is getting slower and slower ; they keep introducing new features but I just don't think they can cope.
Videos take longer to upload and longer to process and what really annoys me is:
SHORTER VIDEOS TAKE LONGER TO PROCESS THAN BIG VIDEOS - WHAT?!?!?
That is ludicrous.
It's getting silly.
They need to sort out their problems and bugs because it's pissing off a LOT of people.
I tried uploading a video last night, four bleedin' times - all ofwhich froze on 33%77% and 93% - STUPID!!!!

Right, better go, Lesson time!!
I may right more later and try and get my video uploaded :/
Byeee off to die of boredom.

Sarah x

22/02/09

2009-02-22T12:47:00.000-08:00

I had a fantastic weekend

Love you Beckie:)

Beckie&Sarah<3

16/02/09

2009-02-16T02:56:00.000-08:00

"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth."

I write what I writeI do what I doI say what I sayI like what I likeI be who I want to beIt's up to me.

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else"

12/02/09

2009-02-12T08:20:00.000-08:00

"Forget them, Wendy. Forget them all. Come with me where you'll never, never have to worry about grown up things again."

Carefree/Happy/Sunny Days
[[I Miss them]]
I miss the days where you were carefree,
ran free like the wind, could do what ever you wanted
&& felt on top of the world
I miss the days where you could lay on the grass,
look up at the sky, and try to make shapes from the clouds
I miss the days of thinking you'll never grow up &
never have to worry about things
I miss the days without stress, worry, regret, responsibility
I miss lots of things
Sometimes I want to believe in neverland. Fly away with peter pan, forget everything &
go and fight with captain hook, play with the lost boys.....
I can dream
Everything seems too much. Too much responsibility, too much homework, too much coursework, too much to do, too much to think about, too much to worry about

Too little time, so much to do

I hate the fact that I'm at a grammar school. All we have to do is work, work, work.
I hate it.
We get one week off, but break up later than everyone else, so how is that fair??
It isn't
Growing up sucks.

11/02/09

2009-02-11T03:31:00.000-08:00

I'm bloody pissed off!!!

It's bad enough that the chavs in the elite group at my school constantly check my youtube and take the piss out of my videos, but now they have decided to look at my twitter - WHY?!!?
I wish they didn't have to be involved in everything that I do. Just leave me alone!!!
I know it's on the internet for everyone to see, but they don't need to see it!! they know me in real life and so they should just leave it all well alone, but they don't. It infuriates me.
First of all, why take the piss out of someone for making videos for youtube anyway? It's a hobby, something I like to do, just because it's not what they do, doesn't mean it's stupid or weird, but that's how they see it!!

They go out and smoke, get drunk and god knows what else; but I don't want to do that.
Sure, I go out with my good friends, drink a normal amount, have fun, have a life but I also have youtube and whether it's hard to believe or not actual friends that I've met on the internet.
No they are not pedophiles.
No they are not weirdoes.
No they are not geeks or whatever.
They are real people who I have met in real life (many of them)
So it is possible to make normal, good, real, for-life friends on the internet.
-Amber, Calum, Beckie, Lottie, Charlie, Jonny, Ed, Rosy, Michelle, Emma, Laura, Alex, Gary, Jacob, Kelsey.
That's only a small handful of them people I've met and get along great with thanks to youtube.

Youtube isn't for loners.
It isn't for freaks.
It is a place to have fun, an outlet for your emotions, a great place to meet new people.
Okay?

I don't understand why people have to make a big deal about it.
I mean, they're on the internet. Facebook, myspace and other social networking sites.
So what is so freakin' different about youtube????

Well, I did have 533 friends on facebook.
I've now deleted them down to 88.
Also, I guess i'll private my updates on twitter.
yeeeep. :/

It just annoys me.
I hate them.
IRL people don't understand.
I actually have nice friends whom I've meet on the internet.
Who are actual real friends.
Better than they could ever be.

So, that's off my chest.
Achem.

But to all the people on youtube that I know; subscribers, friends, supporters, close friends.
I love you all.
You mean so much to me.

Love, Sarah xoxo

10/09/09

2009-02-10T03:42:00.000-08:00

I was dreading double ICT today (two whole hours!!!) but luckily the teacher isn't here!!!
So here I am, randomly writing a blog post when I should be doing ICT.
Heehee =o

Well, today has been very boring (as usual) so far.
Psychology with the new Australian teacher - I LOOOOVE her accent especially when she says "Freud's a pervert" haha :)
Love it. ♥

Then I had film.
The computers in the media block are seriously the crappest computers in the school, when really they should be the best, seeing as they are meant to be fast to use for editing and video capture. But no, they're so rubbish. Ours froze a billion times and wouldn't even detect my memory stick-grrrrr!! annoying technology.
Another thing to complain about -the bloody school camcorders THEY ARE RUBBISH!!
A lot of the things we shot were blurry, half the shots weren't there or cut off too quickly - the shots we filmed on my creative vado pocket cam were better quality than the camcorder ones!!!! They could atleast buy half decent cameras I mean come on......
I Know why they don't.
It's because my headteacher doesn't give a crap about media/art/drama or anything so all of the schools money goes towards science, maths and english.
She reall infuriates me. FILM IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS MATHS OTHERWISE THERE WOULD BE NO ENTERTAINMENT FOR PEOPLE!!!!!!
BOO-YA!
Jesus christ, she is the worst headteacher in the history of our school.
Our last one was nice, she was a lesbian and old but still very nice and considerate. The she had a car crash and didn't want to come back to work :(
So we got stuck with Mrs ding dong Bell. ^_~

Ranting. Ranting. Ranting.
Sorry.

I still have lunch and RE to go.
Lunch isn't a good thing.
I get bored and do nothing, literally N-O-T-H-I-N-G.
I'd rather have no lunch and get the last lesson out of the way and then go home.
But no, we have to stay at school, obviously.
Last lesson, bloody religious education - it's awful. It's all philosophy and theologians work and ridiculously dull text reading. I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate

hate

it.
I think you get that I hate it, right? Yea......
Worst subject choice I made.
Actually, I hate all my subjects except film.
Psych - ummm kinda okay....
IT-Hard, hate it
RE-WORST SUBJECT EVER!!!!
Film - loooove it!!

my ideal subjects
Film studies, drama, photography and music :) :)
That would be AH-mazing!!!!!

SO I'm sitting her doing nothing.
I have my 200 page on-going ICT project to do on databases but that is stressing me out right now, so I give up for a while.
I could finish a philosophy essay? yep, I may do that.

HALF TERM ON FRIDAY - EEEEEEP!! can't wait for a break! I need one, seriously.
Tonight, doing something for two hours that I really do NOT want to do. :(
Oh well.
Afterwards, I will chillax by eating haribo and watching a film.
No homework, coursework, nothing.
Will be left alone.
Bliss.

Right, I should go seeing as I should do some work really.....
So, bye!

(I bet this won't post at school seeing as my school blocks everything good on the internet!!!!!)
xxx

09/02/09

2009-02-09T06:53:00.000-08:00

Hey!

Quickly writing this whilst I'm at school as i'll have no time tonight because we need to film the last part of our horror film for film studies as the deadline is THURSDAY!!! OMFG!!! we couldn't do it last week because of the snow which was great at the time but no we need to get it filmed/edited/add sound and everything by Thursday - soooo rushed! but we'll manage (hopefully) half of it is already edited so it's just the part we have to film now.
It's going to be quite scary filming in an old house with a guy pretending to be my psychotic husband (ahhhh!!! =o)

So, I might not be home until late. Uusually, on Monday (week B - we have two different week timetables at school) I usually only have half a school day but today I went home for lunch and then had to come back for filming - loooovely! all I want is just to relax, well that's not possible.

Well, I have lots of little kids looking at what I'm writing and a teacher peering over my shoulder so I'd better go!!!!

Sarah x

2009-02-08T03:14:00.000-08:00

ONE YEAR AGO

6/02/09

2009-02-06T14:57:00.000-08:00

Friday. Finally.
Thank goodness,
I had a good day:

-got a predicted 'A' in my psychology coursework :)
-did my solo film presentation about Bridget jones II
-Had a film night with friends, made brownies, watched films, ate Ben & jerry's
-Found out i live close to a really great youtube called 'Charlieskies' and we're going to meet up some time!!! ^_^

It's 11pm but doesn't feel late at all, i'm not tired.
my arm still hurts from the vaccination :/ ouch.

umm....so what do you think this is?
crap? no it's actually a brownie failure. My friends and i atempted to make brownies but failed (we blame the crap asda own mix!!! mwhahaha)
but it tasted good nevertheless.

Well, i don't have much to write and my arm hurts form typing in a weird position so I'm going to wrap this up.

x

05/02/09

2009-02-05T10:49:00.000-08:00

I felt in a rather Harry Potter(ish) mood, therefore, hence the banner :)

Currently listening to wizard rock as well :)

Well to start off, OW!!! My arm hurts. I had the HPV cancer jab today, apparently I still have two more to go - loooovely!!
My arm was bleeding for ages but don't worry, I think i'll live - heehee

School.
Well, school was school; as boring as ever except, for some random, my friends and are were laughing for ages about something that wasn't particularly funny and someone almost threw up with laughter, how....disgusting. aha. I almost chocked on my water (yes it is possible to choke on a beverage) wow, indeed that sounded posh.
BEVERAGE - DRINK - LADIDAR!!! :)

So, no, I did not do my live show tonight.
1/ I have homework.
2/ My arm hurts!! (poor excuse)
3/The internet does not rule my life.
4/I have nothing to do in the show today.
and yea....deal with it please, thank you ^_^

I JUST FOUND OUT SOMEONE WAS MURDERED IN MY TOWN =O
DUN...DUN...DUN!!! - yea.

Anyway so tomorrow is friday but it doesn't feel like it will be seeing as I've only been to school two days this week-YESH!
Love the weekends, bliss, loveliness.
Think I'm taking my brother and sister to see hotel for dogs, that should be ....entertaining. I love J.T.Austin though.

Psychology coursework final deadline tomorrow.
I hate deadlines.
Hate hate hate hate them.
Everywhere you go - BAM!! Deadlines.
Homework, coursework, what time you have to be at school, leave school, be places, meet people, hand in work-AHHH!
There should be no deadlines, they suck,.
But I s'pose they are there for a reason.
Psychology, oh why I why did i take that subject?
I mean it's good but ALL MY TEACHERS ARE STARK RAVING MAD!!!! ~ SERIOUSLY!!!!!
Is that just a psych teacher thing? you have to be a psychotic nutter to teach psychology?
One of my teachers absolutely loooove Freud "he is her God" and the other ones...well. One used to work on a mental work and her surname is BEER! < weird in itself. She is so strange and bizarre, dancing around the room singing"oh I'm so happy happy happy *clapping hands* anyone would think she was five, seriously.
&& the other one, the new australian, well....she seems sane enough so far......apart from she just complains about English road signs, hmmm weird.

Right, I'm rambling about nothing, so I'm going to go.
Lalalalala.

Thanks for reading!!!
Sarah x

03/02/09

2009-02-03T13:46:00.000-08:00

Two snow days in a row :)
Never thought that would happen - not with our school. The headteacher never really lets us have snow days, so it was quite a surprise - heehee.

Well, back to school tomorrow. All the snow has melted, sadly :(

Went to the cinema earlier to see 'Bride wars' which was really good!!! - loooove anne hathaway :)

Watching a film right now and just editing a bit of a video....

x

2/01/09

2009-02-02T00:07:00.000-08:00

SNOW DAY!!!!!!

obviously this isn't all I'm writing, but I'm going out in the snow..... :)

16:14 - Today has been so much fun, even if I was on my own :( but oh well, I'm glad we didn't have school today!!! But we will tomorrow, probably, darnnit!!!

I made a video out in the snow - heehee

1/02/09

2009-02-01T04:58:00.000-08:00

Pinch Punch, First day of the month

No returns :)

So, it's officially February. Wow, January flew by.
Can't believe it.

Well, another month closer to exams :/
But another month closer to when I can finally leave school FOREVER!
:D
YAY!
Like I said, the weekend goes so quickly; it's Sunday already.
Darn it!!

Well, I suppose I may record a sunday vlog considering sundays are full of nothingness to do.
Homework is all done.
Dinner is cooking - ROAST CHICKEN!

So, I need something to occupy myself.... :)

If you want to know what I'm doing more often, follow me on twitter:
http://twitter.com/OMGSarahsays

I update A LOT

Sarah x

30/01/09

2009-01-30T13:41:00.000-08:00

I absolutely love the weekends.
No school.
Nothing.

Doing whatever I want and not having to worry about coursework deadlines, homework or getting up early.
Bliss.

Trouble is, it goes so quick.
:(

29/01/09

2009-01-29T12:30:00.000-08:00

I am so bloody glad it's almost the weekend

I hate school with a vengeance
I've had enough of the same school for 7 years.
Time to move on.

When one door closes another opens

University

Indeed.
^_^

28/01/09

2009-01-28T13:38:00.000-08:00

Ghosts?

Okay, so I was just watching back footage I had just recorded for a video and so many white balls were literally flying past the camera, they looked like ORBS
Scary........

Yea.....
Sorry not much at all to blog about today :/
I'll write more when my life becomes more interesting.

I have so much coursework at the moment - it's ridiculous.
I wrote a 2000 word essay today for film about Twilight and their ancillary market -

FUN

Bubai x

27/01/09

2009-01-27T11:55:00.000-08:00

I have never been so bored in my entire life.
I actually fell asleep in IT, oh dear.

Tuesdays at school are horrible:
-psychology
-film
-double ICT theory - NO WHERE NEAR ANY COMPUTERS :(
-Religious education - ugh.

Well, it's over. only three more days until the weekend.
I have so much homework/coursework.
AHHHHH.

oh well, editing this:

x

26/01/09

2009-01-26T08:01:00.000-08:00

Chinese New Year

Oh Hai

I had an okay(ish) day at school today - only 3 lessons - woooo!
So I was free to leave early :)

being called for tea

BACK

Spaghetti hoops - loooovely

I have nothing exciting to write about. Just uploading some test things to youtube to test the quality etc

Apart from that, I'm bored, tired && in need of something to do

Hmph.

2009-01-25T09:42:00.000-08:00

Sunday

possibly the most boring of days ever

Currently trying to save a video

imovie takes forever to save

Haven't got much to write at all, sorry.

School tomorrow
How can this be.
School days come so bloody quickly.

Ugh.

x

24/01/09

2009-01-24T11:50:00.000-08:00

[[Lottie]]

Had An AH-mazing day :)
With Lottie675
Who could be my twin
If she wasn't tallerthan me
^_^

The Day

I had to get up super early this morning - looooovely. It was freezing which made it worse. I had to go shopping with my nan and blah blahblah.....

I then went to Lakeside shopping centre and before Lottie arrived we went into starbucks. Now, it's a long story, but somehow we ended up with to large strawberry and cream frappuchino's, when we only paid for once - MWHAHAHAHA

Then Lottiekins arrived and we went to good ole' McDonalds for HAPPY MEALS! - I love the fact that VAT has changed to 15%. Now happy meals are £1.95 not £1.99. It was £1.99 for so long, now it's changed, awh. Right, so moving on!

We went in soo many shops & I had a little spending spreeee -woooooooo. Sorry, I like adding lots of letters on to words right now - heehee

[PHOTOBOOTH]

We went in a photobooth and had a random photo taken. Not this once below. That's just a screen shot of what i filmed in the booth lol.

So.
Today was awesome
I'll make a vlog some time soon - possibly
tomorrow

Before I go.
I hate the recession.
I went shopping Morrisons today.
Half the shelves were empty :(

Talking to Beckie0 on skype :)

Thay Aind.

x

23/01/09

2009-01-23T15:13:00.000-08:00

~~The Sun'll come out tomorrow~~

Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one who doesn't have a perfect family.
Every family has their fights, their disagreements, their flaws; but it feels like know one has the sort of mother I have.

I hate people who are irrational.
I hate people who have a personality disorder.
I hate people who treat me like I'm a nobody.
I hate people who always blame for everything and put me in the middle.

Piggy in the middle.
It's not my fault. No one listens.
I'm just always there.
Middle.
Stuck.
No escape.
People arguing, which side do I choose.

My mum. Mother.
I have to love you but....
have being the strong word there.....

She can act lovely one minute and wicked the next.
Constant arguments between my nan and my mum have always been on going and now I'm older, I'm constantly being placed in a bad position.

Shouting.
Bad words.
tears.

Stop. full stop.

I [love] my nan, my grandad, my brother and sister.
But sometimes I wish I had a different family.
Ahhh. Frustrated.
Typing typing typing.

Enough. You'll never understand.
I love my life but sometimes; everything seems to change.
But I'm still happy. :)

It was just today.
I did nothing wrong, in fact, I did the right thing but still.
It was me.
ME ME ME. Who got the blame.

............

This made me film a few bits for a video.

............

The weekend. Oh how it makes me happy.
Forget school. Forget everything.
I'm seeing Lottie and I love her.
She's amazing and I'm smiling.

Tonight was good.
Went to a pub/club TAP 'N' TIN - Awesome, 'cept I spilt my bacardi and coke EVERYWHERE!!
Looooser

Well. I'm very tired.
In need of sleep.
Sorry for rambling on about things you couldn't possibly understand.

Goodnight.
God bless.

xo

22/01/09

2009-01-22T08:18:00.000-08:00

[Stress]

Oh, the joys of school. As soon as you finish one piece of coursework, you get more.
I've got a massive ICT project to do, psychology coursework which is about 'the effects of stress on students' funnily enough.
I have RE essays, practical film coursework, film studies presentations, homework essays about hollywood movies ( I chose Twilight :))

Too much, ugh.

[Look on the Brighter side]

I won't worry about things like this though. I'm an optimist. It'll all be done and dusted soon enough!!

Today was utterly boring.
My RE teacher is probably the worst teacher in the universe, no joke. I know everyone says that about teachers but he is AHHH.
-pompous
-rude
-has favourites
-crap at teaching
-has a dull monotone voice.

I hate yes HATE him.
Favouritism.
Wy do people choose to have favourites?
What makes the others more special?
Treat everyone equally please.

Anyway. Sarah's rambling.

Tonight 6pm Live show on BlogTv
My first show in months, can't wait actually!! :)

I can't believe it's Friday tomorrow.
How lovely.

I love the feeling in the morning when you wake up, look at the clock and realise you still have hours left before you have to get it.

Also.

I find this so strange. Say i set my alarm for 6:30am. I always wake up at 6:29am before my alarm has gone off, as if my brain as sub-consciously been keeping track of the time.
So weird.

Change of subject.
I found some old performing arts footage from 3 years ago on my camera and MY GOLLY! I look so different.
Weird looking.

Here's an actual photo from Performing arts :)

So young......

I'll say bye for now, may right more later after my live show.
If not, then ciao

xo

21/01/09

2009-01-21T05:19:00.000-08:00

[Sunbeam, stop tugging me. Pull that door shut quietly...]

Imogen Heap - Amazing. Headlock and Shh stuck in my head.

Today=Okay.
1 Lesson, home early.
Perfect ^_^

I recently (yesterday) created a blogtv account. I closed my old one months ago due to the pressure of people making me do shows all the time, but I've decided to give it a try again :)

I will do live shows ~~everyday~~Once a week.
Last time, people asked me to do shows everyday.
Please be realistic. I have a life believe it or not.

Shows will be once a week. Every Thursday, 6 pm GMT. :)

[[ http://www.blogtv.com/People/therealsarahxxlou ]]

Currently not doing much. just walked home from school.
Feel very fit and healthy now.

x

20/01/09

2009-01-20T05:31:00.001-08:00

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

“Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.”:)

~~There are more things I hate than Love in this world.~~

I love [[♥]].

[My friends]]
[My family]]
[[The life I lead]]
[[the glimmering shine of a sunset]]
[[The fact that I'm unique]]

Atonement

19/01/09

2009-01-19T05:47:00.001-08:00

<3 this photo

Don't have time to write much as I'm editing some film studies footage - FUN!!

Just posted it - THIS IS A FIRST DRAFT :)

So tired,
Zzzzz

x

Sheffield Gathering :)

2009-01-18T08:07:00.000-08:00

-------------------------------------------------

17th January 2009 - A day to remember :)

Sheffield Gathering

I had the most amazing time this weekend.

Friday:
Travelled to Manchester on a coach to stay at Amber's house (xgossipqueenx) - We were high on haribo.

The journey there was okay. The coach was packed full of people and the journey lasted for four hours!! - But I sat and listened to my ipod, read twilight and watched Doctor Who, so all was well.

When I arrived at Manchester and saw Amber, she screamed in my face as she didn't realise it was me - FUN TIMES!!
We then went to her house, made a very peculiar video and watched Saw IV - gorynesss - looooovely.

SATURDAY!
The best day ever!!

Me & Amber along with her friend Becka, travelled to Sheffield for itscalum010's gathering.
One world- awesomeness.
Seriously.

I met some lovely people (some of whom I've met before) but others I was surprised to see.
I loved meeting Rosanna (omgoctopus), Emma (xxxlilmissdisneyxxx), Michelle (xopixie) for the first time! - love 'em!
But not forgetting.....THE ONE AND ONLY AMBER!! Coolest person ever. Love you Amber >3

So rambling here.
Let's sum it up.

We went to the train station to meet people.
Calum screamed and hugged me - repeatedly :)
We meet others and socialised.
We ate food/starbucks.
Rosy experienced her first strawberry & cream frappuchino.
McDonalds. BIG MACS! -ugh. We ate too much.
Calum ditched us.
We embarrassed ourselves in front of the entire city of Sheffield as we sang "head shoulders knees and toes'
A random dude with very large spiky hair came and interrupted us asking for directions.
We called calum. Made him feel guilty. If we get raped, you're responsible Calum - 'Rosy'
Me and Amber ran through a foutain - got entirely soaked. Attempted to dry ourselves in the museum toilets.
It didn't quite work.
Fail.
We got cold. Very very cold.
People got coffee. We said our goodbyes.
Went to the train station, got food, took photos.
Thay aind.

Indeed, it 'twas a brilliant day.
I love youtube for this reason. :)

Saturday night.
Ate popcorn chicken.
Went to the cinema with Amber and Becka and saw ~~MY BLOODY VALENTINE~~
Twilight for the third time.
Oh hai.
Still good though, We were the last ones left in the cinema. Amber liked the song at the end of the credits.
Haha. yes.
Then I found a phone. :s
Indeed.

Went home. Made popcorn. Watched 'Vacancy' - fell asleep.
Zzzzzzzzz.

TODAY!
Well today was sad.

[[&& How do we say our goodbyes, do we laugh or cry?]]

I had to leave at 8:45am - we just made the coach in time.
It was so sad.

I miss the North.
I miss how my accent stands out.
I miss the people.
I miss everything.
I miss people.

Journey home was good.
No one on the coach.
No crowds.
Great.

Got to Victoria station, roamed around on my own for a bit.
'There's no place like home'
Now I'm home.
:/ :) :(
mixed emotions.

I loved yesterday.
I love you guys.
I love my life.
I love the world.

Roast dinner possibly.

Thay Aind.

x

16/01/09

2009-01-16T05:34:00.000-08:00

I'm excited.
Going to Manchester, then the Sheffield YT Gathering.
WOO :)

Still at school. Only 2 hours to go.....
*tick tock tick tock*

xxx

15/01/09

2009-01-15T09:29:00.000-08:00

Some of the performers in 'Nightingale' house :

No lessons at all today.
Just nothing.
Obviously there was a reason for this; house arts.. :)

Basically, our school consists of 6 houses - bit like Harry Potter with Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw - heehee.
We have:
-Nightingale house
-Sharman house
-Pankhurst house
-Rhodes house
-Rowling house
-Parks House

Rowling as in J.K Rowling :D
Yes, All of our houses are named after inspirational women who have accomplished many different things.
I'm a member of 'Nightingale' house "florence nightingale'.

Every year, every house takes part in what is called 'House Arts' whereby the theme is either dance or music. This year it was music (last year it was dance)
Sharman House -2007

So, this year it was music and the theme was....something about Mankind (I can't quite remember)
Anyway, I won't blab on too much.
Each house had three songs to perform, one of which was the same for all houses 'I'd like to teach the world to sing'.
We have the whole day off timetable to watch the rehearsals and then in the afternoon, the final performances.

Last year, Rowling House won the dance house arts (purely because their finale was good, using High School musical's 'We're all in this together' HOW CHEESEY!!! haha

Soo....this year we....
LOST! again. We came 4th place I think. Sharman house won < grrrr. :)
GO NIGHTINGALE GO! DO YOUR BEST! SHOW THE OTHERS THAT YOU'RE BETTER THAN THE REST!!!!!!

Dumdedum so yes, it was quite fun today.
Enough about that.

I was bored some of the time though. So spent my time doodling crap.
I can't draw. Really. I also watched two whole episodes of Dr Who on my ipod to pass the time, lalala.

I have so much to do.
Pack bags for Manchester (I'm staying at Amber's (xGossipqueenx's) house - wooooooo!! CAN'T WAIT!
Then on Saturday, I'm going to the Sheffield Gathering :) Sooooo sooooo excited!
Right must go, need to wash my hair, pack stuff, so homework, charge phone and ipod and lots more!!

Byeeeeeeeeeeeee xxxx

22:16 - So bored, I just recorded this. Questionable harmonies made up on the spot as I hit 'record' but oh well.
http://www.box.net/shared/krlb4ipctl

enjoy!

Ahhh - you can embed youtube channels? Since when??

xoxo

13/01/09

2009-01-13T15:01:00.000-08:00

Coursework.
coursework.
Coursework.

What more can I say?

i hate school.
i hate coursework.
i hate...ugh.
EVERYTHING! -to do with school.

ICT is really stressing me out right now.
we have to do a massive project - 200 pages - and create our own database!
Did I mention I hate it?

I'm writing this at 11:00pm. I need to go to bed.
Late to bed, not so early to rise - heehee.

I've been addicted to itunes all evening. Downloaded lots of stuff - including two doctor who episodes.
I'm such a geek. but a cool geek.
WOO!

Addicted to 'shh' by Imogen Heap - it's sooo frikin' catchy!!

Anyway...dumdedum.
school was crap today.
ICT teacher was ill. No wonder we get bad grades, she's never there half the time - they could atleast get a cover teacher!!!
A levels are important - ahhhh!!!9
Besides from that, film was good as we filmed some parts of our horror movie - lots of me acting (i'm the main character wooo)
actually, today was more of feet acting. My feet were filmed a lot - ooooo spooky.

AUSTRALIAN!
G'DAY!
I have a new psych teacher who just moved here form Australia and she is soooo awesome!
Loooove her accent, and her teaching.
shame we only have her once every two weeks :(
but yea.
Australian accents rock!!

So tired, falling asleep as I write this very boring, full of mistakes blog.
Yars.

Night night.

xx

12/01/09

2009-01-12T13:25:00.000-08:00

No time to blog....need to edit this :

11/01/09

2009-01-11T14:28:00.000-08:00

Hey :)
I'm sooo tired - really should go to sleep.
but no, I need to write......

Well, i basically had a birthday weekend which was very awesome!!

Friday - TGI Friday's meal with Beckie0 and her family, my family and another one of my best friends, Steph.
We all had a great time, except for the fire drill - blah blah blah -more written about that previously.
Friday night-Beckie stayed over :)

Saturday-went shopping, ate subway, saw twilight for the second time.
I LOVE CARLISLE!!!! - strangely, more than Edward....heehee
Then me and Beckie watched a horror film, did some random filming and stuff -mwhahahaha!!

Sunday-Went to Lakeside (a shopping mall) to meet up with Beckie's parents so she could go home -sooo sad :(
I LOVE YOU BECKIE!!!
Then i bought an ipod (purple nano chromatic) - looooovely!!!

It was very cool though because in the evening, my nan had planned a surprise chinese dinner with my friend who randomly turned up and some other family. We watched 'eden lake' which was very gory, ate loads of food and they all sang happy birthday to me AGAIN. Haha, i feel special.

*sidetracked by talking to Amber on skype*

dumdedum....
i can't be bothered to type right now. i can hardly see the keys in front of me as it's pitch black-ahhhh.
but I've had a brilliant weekend.
Thanks so much to everyone who sent me messages and stuff, i loooove you all, really :)

Soooo, what did i get for my bday?
-money
-party/dinner thing
-ipod
-wicked necklace and earrings from Beckie
-Doctor who calendar and a hugeeee packet of m&ms from Amber (trying to make me fat lol)

Anyway, I'd better go as i have to get up early tomorrow.
sorry this hasn't been very detailed, oh well.
i'll include pictures etc tomorrow.....

talking to Amber....still
ANGING! (private joke) haha

love you everyone
Sarah x

10/01/09

2009-01-10T16:05:00.000-08:00

MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

X

09/01/09

2009-01-09T15:36:00.000-08:00

Sarah & Beckie here :)

Haven't got much time to write so here's a brief overview:

-My best friend Stephanie came to my house after school and then we went shopping!
-We then met up with Beckie0 and her family and went to TGI fridays for my birthday meal.

MOST EMBARRASSING THING EVER!!

-They made me stand on a chair, in a high heels, in front of the WHOLE restaurant (whilst also holding my cake -which I thought I'd drop - heeehee) then everyone started singing.....=o

But then.....
guess what???

A FIRE ALARM!!!
Oh yes, we all got evacuated from the restaurant. We had to run back and quickly grab our stuff - leaving behind the cake and my awesome balloons nooooooooooooo.

Most awesome thing though.
We didn't have to pay for the meal.
It turns out there was an actual fire in NANDOES!
Stupid chicken restaurant!! haha
So yes, we saved ourselves over £250.00 WOAH!!
So then we ran off. Beckie came with me, my nan and stephanie and we went back to the car.
Beckie's mum rang us later to say she went back and rescued the cake and balloons - so yay!!!

Anyway, better go.
MY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW!!!! :) WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Bye xxx

08/01/09

2009-01-08T03:56:00.001-08:00

I'm Happy.
No school today :)
The nerve-wracking thing I had to do is over & it went quite well, so I'm happy!!

You know when you're really stressed about something, and then you do it ; and when it's over, it's not as bad as what you thought it would be?
Yep, I had that today.

GUESS WHAT!!???!!?
ONLY TWO MORE DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!!!!

I can't wait really.
I'm going to be 18 :)

What things can you do when you're 18, that you cannot do usually?

-Legally gamble
-Vote
-Legally buy alcohol/cigarettes
-See '18' rated movies at the cinema.

Not much more than I can do now.
It won't really affect me in that way.

I don't want to buy alcohol or cigarettes, I think gambling is a waste of money and I'm not sure about voting. I do not have a strong enough opinion on the different parties and their ideas to make a decision about which party to vote for.
I know the suffragettes fought hard to win women the vote, but nevertheless; I'm not that bothered about it 'right now' but probably will be sometime in my life.

The only thing I'm excited about is to see 18s in the cinema. I've never illegally been to a showing of a rated R film or an '18' as we British people call it; so seeing one would be great!! wooo :)

So, nothing more to write so far today.

No homework to do.
No things to stress about.

Just a lovely, peaceful day.

:)

07/01/09

2009-01-07T03:15:00.000-08:00

At school whilst I'm typing this.
I want to gome home.
I have no more lessons and so it seems pointless for them to make me stay on the premises; and yet they make me stay :(

I'm doing something tomorrow that is making me very nervous.
& I have a practice for that thing today.
Only I know what that is. I may tell you if all goes well.
Wish me luck!!! :D

I had to stop writing this....people from my year were looking at what I was doing.
Sooo, back home.

Home early - mwhahahahaha!!
But I have to go out at three - ahhh. Nervous......

On a happier note; IT'S MY BIRTHDAY IN THREE DAYS!!!
WAHAY!! 18....wow. I feel so old.

The thing is, I may be eighteen, but I get along better with younger people. For example, all the of the close 'internet; friends I have (some of whom I've met in real life) are younger than me, and yet, it seems like there is no age difference.
I find that wonderful. I don't care if I don't always act my age.

I hate the fact that everyone is placed in cliques.
I hate the fact that people are stereotypical.
I hate the fact that people think you're weird if you hang around with younger people.
I hate the fact people make fun of you when you post videos on youtube.

Why Can't everyone be different. Individual.
Unique.

People think posting videos on youtube is weird or 'uncool'.
That's their opinion.
I think going out and getting drunk every weekend is a waste of time, money and potentially very harmful and I think smoking is the most ridiculous thing ever.
They would disagree.
So we're all different.
I like what I like and don't what I don't.
My choice. my life.
Me.

Sorry. Ranting. :)

I'm actually glad that so far I have managed to post a blog entry (whether it's worth reading or not)everyday. :D

~~New years resolutions cannot be kept~~ - proved wrong.

So I'm just sitting her with nothing to do, until the dreaded 3pm awaits.
And then 10:36am tomorrow - ahhhhhhhhhh!!
SO scared.
=o

I should stop writing about it seeing as you don't know what that is...yet.
But maybe you will soon enough.

........

I really want to go and see 'Australia' at the cinema, but there have been so mnay negative ratings and comments, I'm not sure whether to.

But anyway.
I'd better go.
Possibly clean my room and get changed etc.....

Sarah
x

21:13- nervous, nervous, nervous, nervous.
omg, so nervous.
help.
help.
help.
I don't want tomorrow.
Let's fast forward to Friday....please?

06/01/09

2009-01-06T15:03:00.001-08:00

Really late when I'm writing this....i have a habit of staying up late now & yet I still wake up at 6:30am for school.
So early, ugh!!

Today was pretty boring as most usual days at school for every teenager on the planet.

I took a hot water bottle to school today because it was so bloomin' cold!!!
seriously, it was in the minus degrees, woah.
And we're not really meant to wear coats around school, idiots.
They should let us wear what we want in the cold.
for example, yesterday i wore converses to school to avoid slipping on the loads of ice that was EVERYWHERE! and they told me to take them off but I refused and gave a valid reason why i was wearing them, i mean c'mon.
They should obviously know im wearing trainers to avoid injuring myself, ahhhhh.

Right now I'm watching a horror movie, it's really weird.
Won;t go into gory detail about it.....
dumdedum.....

I really want it to snow tonight, I WANT A SNOW DAY - pleeeeease!!!
tomorrow is an okay day at school anyway; i only have one lesson but i still have to stay at school all day, it's ridiculous.
They enjoy making us suffer.

The teachers should get treated the same as us but noooo. They're allowed to wear bright coats, socks, scarfs, sandals, strappy vets tops and all the stuff we're not.
And why?
Unfair.

Anyway I'm babbling now.
OOO i got my fringe (bangs) cut today; now i can see haha.

WOAH! HORROR MOVIE MADE ME JUMP! lol
Ooo some lady just picked the death card from the tarot deck =o

Right bye!!

x

05/01/09

2009-01-05T14:19:00.000-08:00

OH MY GOSH - IT SNOWED TODAY!!
There was snow everyhere - loooovely!!

I woke up, pulled opened my curtains and screamed; but the good news was short lived.
My school was still open. It's ridiculous.
My school is on top of a huge slope and it's dangerous going up and down it in bad weather and yet, schools that were on flat roads were closed. My headmistress is so bloody unreasonable.
I hate the woman. Ugh.
First off, she hates performing arts and music and stopped all the younger years from doing drama whereas when I was in the lower years drama was one of my lessons.
She stopped drama club and she hates all things like that; she's very into science and maths, it sucks.
I LOVE DRAMA! & MUSIC! I mean, she needs to appreciate that the arts are academic subjects and not just 'mickey mouse' - easy subjects -AHHH! :/

Right moving on. Why was I even talking about her? I have no idea.
I'm trying to type with only the light from the laptop - heehee, and i'm typing this without looking so be warned, there are lots of mistakes (possibly)

SNOW! I WANT MORE SNOW; I'm such a child.
First day back at school. it was okay.....
First lesson - RE. Surprisingly our usually annoying/patronising/mean RE teacher let us watch a film (it was related to what we are studying (religous language) but still, yay!
-It was called 'the power of one' and it was so sad, but lovely at the same time :)
Second lesson-ICT. Boring as...well IT. We have massive project to do and our IT teacher is flippin' useless. He can't teach.
I hate the coursework....DATABASES!!
Then we had break.
Whilst i'm complaining, i may as well complain about my schools food.
They want to be healthy.
They chucked out the vending machines with chocolate and soda.
They renovated the kitchen, made it look nicer, bigger.
Then their prices start to rise.
They make less food.
Soon, the shelves are empty 2 minutes into our 20 minute break ugh.
They say they are making the school healthier by removing the vending machines and not selling chips but they still sell pizza.
THAT IS THE WORST THING TO EAT EVER!! THE AMOUNT OF SATURATED FAT IN ONE SLICE IS STUPID!!
-Almost half of your GDA of sat fats in one slice, uh. And yet, they call it 'healthy'
Also....
they sell iced buns. && you know what makes them healthy?
THEY STICK THREE RAISINS IN THEM. HA!
So artificial sugar with natural sugar - loooovely.
Yes, so. I don't buy food usually from school and you can see why. They sell crap. 'unhealthy 'healthy' crap'

Next lesson = double film studies:
Watched atonement :)
I think the film is very long and can be confusing on the first viewing but i like it.
JAMES MCEVOY....HEEHEE.

....Then lunch which was boring! & finally psych.
My psych teacher is so weird. She's lovely but weird.
She's s northern so she takes the mick out of our southern accents -haha.
But she has a weird obsession with cats and she made this website. - http://www.davesaid.co.uk/

She has this thing about 'dave' - based on a cat of hers. It's like a psychology cat heehee. She's barmy.
Also, freud is like god to her. She reads psych books for pleasure and has psych pod casts on her ipod, woah.
Freak.
Kidding. Psychology nut.

Then I came home, did some homework and watched a horror film 'pulse'. Quite weird. It was about ghosts and computer viruses. What a weird combination.

Can't wait until tomorrow. We're starting to film our film studies horror trailer thing - wahay - and i'm playing the main character 'Madeleine' whilst also in charge of camera angles, editing and the script. Ugh.
Lots of work but i love film so much!!
I need an 'A'.

I'm going to go as my arms hurt well actually my wrists from typing in this weird position.

Sarah x

04/01/09

2009-01-04T09:30:00.000-08:00

I don't feel like writing.
I don't feel like going back to school.
I don't feel like I'm turning 18 on Saturday.
I don't feel like sitting through five one hour lessons tomorrow.
I don't feel like doing mountains of coursework.
I just feel like I want to snuggle under my duvet and forget about the things I don't want to do.
I want life to be a musical. I want it to be fun. I want to be happy 24/7. I want there to be no stress or pressure.
But there is, and that's life, so we have to deal with it.

Christmas.
It's come and gone, over for another year, and yet, It doesn't feel like we've even had it yet.
It was over far too quickly. Now it's back to reality. Back to the things I don't want to do.
I hate it.

Thursday, thursday, thursday. I'm so nervous. - ahhh.
I want to skip to Friday.
Friday I'm going to T.G.I Friday's for a birthday a meal with my family and Beckie's family. Can't wait!
Just need to get this week over with first.
Indeed.

Listening to the 'twilight' soundtrack. Bella's lullaby is very relaxing. Just learnt how to play some of it on piano. :)

Writing and writing.
With nothing useful to say.

I've been writing thank you letter's, essays and I've just enough right now.
I can't write anymore.

May just get in my pyjamas & watch a film. WIth my laptop of course!! so I can tweet away on twitter!! >loooove it!

Bought some stuff for school today, the usual stationary and notebooks. Reminds me how much bloomin' coursework I have!!!
Good c/w - film! I get to edit - wahay!! and possibly be in it :)
It's a horror film called 'vengeful spirit' - ooooooo

Four films to choose from of which I bought today:
-Corpse Bride
-One missed call
-Vacancy
-Pulse

Three horror films, the other an amazing Tim Burton film!!

Tim Burton, Amazing.
I loved his version of Charlie and the chocolate factory - lets boogie!! (quote Johnny Depp -heehee)

I really want to see this film 'Coraline' which should be coming out soon, I think it's made by Burton, not sure, but it sure reminds me of nightmare before christmas!!!

Right, just found out about this 'youtube ladder' - pay a pound to get your name on the ladder and get promoted.
Okay....no thank you.
I don't do youtube for popularity votes.

OMGFG!! Safari just closed itself for no apparent reason so half my blog I typed just disappeared, thanks for auto-saving you stupid thing!!!!! Grrr..

Ooooo -just found a creme egg!!
Sorry, random change of subject.

Good news. I can access blogspot at school. Our school, or should I say the good-for-nothing government block most sites in schools and places of education ; such as youtube, twitter and all social networking sites. However, at one point, they blocked wikipedia!!? I mean for heavens sakes, that is educational, why block that?
Idiots. Honestly.

So if i'm sitting alone in my lunch hour, doing coursework, I may just type away.
Even if people don't read this, it's something for me to look back on. I suppose.
I...I....don't know what else to write.
I want to go to disneyland or somewhere magical.
If only places like that existed; terabithia, narnia, hogwarts...wow.
We can dream :)

I HATE MY MOTHER!!! Ugh. Sorry random outburst. She's so unreasonable and manipulative. AHHHHHHHHHH.
Right, moving on.

I think I've talked or 'typed' for long enough now.
Going to go and watch a film or something.

x

03/01/09

2009-01-03T10:47:00.000-08:00

SERIOUSLY?? MATT SMITH!!?? THE NEW DOCTOR?? - NO WAY!!

-I know, ~~never judge a book by it's cover'~~ '. FORGET THAT!!. I've decided I don't like him. =o

I know David Tennant had crazy hair but he was HOT!!...Matt Smith. Matt Smith. Ugh,
Sorry.
-FYI, this is about Doctor Who - heehee

Blimey. Smith. Smith. JOHN SMITH! Matt. He looks like a child with crazy hair. And for some reason, he strangely reminds me of Edward Cullen. Now I looove Edward Cullen both in the book and the film but not in this case.

I'll stop ranting about my dislike for the eleventh Doctor now. We still have David Tennant specials on the way - YAYNESS!

POPULAR!.. you're gonna' be POPULARRR!!! - Sorry listening to 'Wicked'. It always makes me feel happy. Especially popular.
Think of it as personality dialysis!!!! haha :) I'll stop.

Soooo tired, in a non-tired sort of way.
Anyone would think I'm a computer whizz, seeing as I've been demanded to try and fix my mums comuter which i've been doing all day and it's still not working - ahhhhhhhhhh! I hate technology sometimes.
-_-

Oh no, this song makes me cry. 'For Good' :( *stops and listens to the song and cries hysterically*

Right, moving on!!

I feel likes jumping on the bandwagon and recording a response for 'because of youtube' and '21 thoughts' - seems fun!
Not sure when I'll have time to record though, I HAVE SO MUCH BLEEDIN' COURSEWORK - IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY!!
Ahh, Calm down.

I'M SO EXCITED!! I'm attending a youtube gathering in Sheffield which is milesssss away but I'm actually allowed to go!!
WOOOOOOOOOO!
It's being hosted by itscalum010 :) and I'm staying round a youtubers house - awesomeness!

I'm met so many youtubers now, it's so cool. I like them more then my IRL friends. I have so much more in common with them and I can be myself. All my IRL friends shy away from cameras, hate youtube and think it's weird I'm on the internet so yea.....
It annoys me. Oh well.

I love Calum, Beckie, Amber, Jonny, Lottie...all of them. They're so loooovely :)

Currently multi-tasking. On skype, twitter, youtube and facebook.
Skpype-talking to Maddie < maddiethegigglebox, CHECK HER OUT ON YOUTUBE, she's cool :)
Beckie, Calum and Amber woop.

Youtube - answering messages.
Twitter - tweeting...almost wrote twittering then haha,

Right, um not much else to say. I'm so annoyed, yes annoyed that im going back to school. I hate it so much right now. Too much coursework and BLAH! and also have something very stressful to do on Thursday but I can't say what that is yet! - soooo nervous though.

Need to stop typing. Hand hurts.
Lalala.
Bye everyone.
Thanks for reading this, if you did :)

Bye x

02/01/09

2009-01-02T02:46:00.000-08:00

~~I'm Wide awake!!!~~

Hey Everyone! :)

I'm sooooo tired due to being up all night filming and editing - ahhhh!!
It took almost an hour to save. i hate mp4 format - it takes FOREVER!!! Then i fell asleep whilst waiting for it to upload. But eventually, it went up:

It's so quiet everywhere. Not much going on.......

Currently watching Doctor Who Don't Blink!!
One of my favourite episodes, as well as Midnight, Silence in the library, girl in the fireplace and forest of the dead.
David Tennant - pure hotness!!

I''m currently on my macbook and still have not figured out how to save pictures from google to the desktop. Ugh, I'm an idiot. There's so much to learn about this loooovely machines.
19:12-figured out how to do this (thanks everyone!)

Well, I'm going to go as I haven't got much to say right now.
I may update later when I actually do something!!

19:12
Just saw Twilight

The Verdict

I prefer the book to the film. I found the acting at the beginning very questionable from both principle actors. Robert Pattinson overacted the biology scene when Edward first meets Bella...I found it too forced. However, as the film progressed he began to actually 'be' Edward and I found it very enjoyable. The directors and writers did a really great portraying the original story.

My favourite part was the baseball game, it was so good :)

I hated Rosalie even more than I did when I read the book - grrr, (Calm down Sarah she is just a fictional character - heehee)

Overall, it was very good and carlisle was scarily better looking than Edward in a way - wooo :)

-
---
-----
Currently drinking strawberry milk, on twitter and talking to Calum.
I am dreading going back to school so so much.

BUT IT'S MY BIRTHDAY IN EIGHT DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!

Right I'm off for now!
x

2009.

2009-01-01T03:51:00.001-08:00

A New year, a fresh beginning.

Happy New Year Everyone! :)

Having had this blog for over a year, I've really been able to continue to write consecutively about what I've been doing. I always end up feeling the need to start over, erase what I've written and start again. But not anymore.

~~A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.~~

Seeing as it is the beginning of a brand new year, I've decided to set myself a realistic new year resolution - to write in this blog at least once every week. Usually I set myself the cliché resolutions such as "eat less chocolate" or "do more exercise", but you find that you begin slowly not sticking to your resolutions and soon they mean nothing. I usually make three resolutions and end up 'failing' at all three in one way or another, so now it's just the one; write in this blog atleast once a week.

I'm quite sad to say goodbye to 2008. It was such a wonderful year for me. I've grown as a person and met so many fantastic people, thanks to youtube. Since being part of the community from October 2006 I have met so many wonderful people and I just want to say thank you to everyone for being so supportive and nice (don't worry - I won't go all soppy on you!!)

I attended some incredible youtube gatherings in 2008 and through these experiences I have made some loooovely friends and it's definetely boosted my confidence. :)

Kodak Moments.

I've been to London more in the past year than I have in my whole life, it's been amazing and such a great experience! I know how to get places now - teehee ^_^

I love this picture I took of London, not quite sure why. It looks grey and dismal, but lovely at the same time.

Some of the lovely people I've met....

Beckie

-Possibly my long lost twin!! We have so much in common and she is so lovely and in her definition of the word 'sexy' - not in a weird way or anything - you won't understand :s - haha :)

But anyway, she is such a brilliant friend and I love her to pieces.

We're both insane and when we're together...it can get completely crazy....

Watch us here

Calum

Awesome dude, with the coolest northern accent :)
I love Calum. He's so funny, lovely and a great friend :)

Jonny
AKA, The King of Defford!!
I've never known anyone who takes an hour or more to eat an apple or satsuma OR EVEN A SANDWICH! But he's awesome! BUT WE SO BEAT HIM ON THE BUMPER CARS!!! :)

&& Ed, Lottie, Georgie, Alex and many more!!

Ahhhh - we having company coming in 10 minutes - WRITE FASTER SARAH!!

I've done so much I don't know what to write about :/
Right, company arrived, oh well, I'll carry on writing......

So, it's currently the xmas holidays but I go back to school on 5th January :(
School is very stressful right now. So much ridiculous coursework - LIKE A 200 PAGE IT PROJECT!!!
Also, I have university interviews//job interviews and ARGH!! - I hate it.
But anyway THE SUN'LL COME OUT TOMORROOOOOW!! :)

----------------------------------------------------
I'm getting called downstairs......

I stayed up sooo late last night vlogging - not sure why. It's quite weird how I am not at all tired right now.....

Right, I'd better go - lunchtime, good old British roast dinner...TURKEY! :)
I'll write more soon.

Bye
x